Reply to Family wants DH to chip in to help SIL buy house that costs more than ours

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Nope

I also don’t think you are a troll because my SIL did the same when my brother left her.

She wanted us to help her buy a house in Bethesda (from CC), it was a downsize.

Nope, get a job. People like need to plan for a man to no longer be the plan.[/quote]

Yep. Lots of these downward trajectory folks in DC who want a divorce but can't keep up with the Jones's after divorce. My younger sister wanted my parents to buy out her ex's share of their Chevy Chase house (which I found out in the course of the divorce drama they had put a large down payment on in the first place). I got to listen to my sister cry through a dinner about how she might have to downsize into an older townhome. What would her friends think! The drama![/quote]

I'm OP, yes, that's pretty much what it sounds like, but with the added entitlement that somehow she deserves to live in a fancy house and shouldn't have to settle for less.  Various reasons have been proposed for why she is entitled to this, from her advanced age (barely retirement age) to the fact that she worked hard for many years.  And ironically, all this is usually said while we are sitting in our old not-good-enough-for-SIL-style home, and I am about the same age as SIL (but still working) and yet no one is suggesting I deserve an updated kitchen much less a whole new house. [/quote]

And I would be clear about that. You say "yes, I wish I could live in a 1.5 million dollar house too!" "Yep, I sure wish I didn't have to work! It's good to dream!" "It would be so nice to update my kitchen, I fantasize about it too!"

[quote=Anonymous]So if the family is middle eastern, then brothers/father are responsible for the well being of unmarried sister and her children, I think.  I do not know how this applies if the sister's spouse is not dead but divorced her. OP, this is complicated. I had a colleague who was widowed suddenly many years ago, her middle eastern husband had most of the assets in his sister's name or she was the beneficiary. Luckily her kids were grown, so she didn't face decades of expenses, but it was a very harsh shock to find it out. My friend is a professional in a respectable career, but he took care of the bills and she never asked questions about assets, etc.

Sending you good vibes, but not sure what would help in practical terms. If you are from same culture you can and should ask your own family for guidance. If you are not - watch your back on any financials however you can. E.g. until you've seen his agreement with sister if it's an "investment" reserve the right to veto it. This of course assumes that you can veto stuff in your relationship or that the resources are joint.  Be prepared to burn some social capital with his family if you refuse - you'll be the bad apple. In the end it all depends if your feelings are more important to your husband than family disapproval...[/quote]

I see these types of arguments brought up here, but it seems convenient that the culture always works to the benefit of everyone but the American DW. If the father and brother are responsible for the sister, then surely, the husband is also responsible for the wife and kids in this culture, right? So how come the OP's husband has to support his sister to the tune of a nice house than he provides for his own wife? OP should say "Great, I'm happy to be a part of your culture. If you help SIL buy this house, I will quit my job and you can buy me the same size house." 
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