Reply to Give me ALL the talking points for talking to parents about downsizing and/or moving

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Reply to "Give me ALL the talking points for talking to parents about downsizing and/or moving"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's their life, give them the gift of your acceptance. Old people have their own ways, but they are adults and they have every right to choose where and how they live.

Given how pushy you come off, maybe they are afraid that if they let go of their house, you'll stick them into the nursing home promptly against their wishes too.[/quote]

I think op's fear is not irrational. Taking care of someone who needs a LOT of help and is out of state is basically impossible to do very well, huge source of stress and guilt, logistically a nightmare, and doesn't lead to the best decisions and options. My dh's family just went through it and is still dealing with it. At the same time I get her parents would prefer autonomy where they are, and perhaps they will live to 95 in amazing health in their own home. It's the dream scenario and I've seen that happen as well, BUT, even in that scenario, they will get lonely and more housebound once they can't drive anymore, and won't get the regular family visits they otherwise would get if they are that far. So imo it is best to have that autonomous living not far from children. Op's parents are still youngish but the older they get the harder it is to make a big move like that. I'd show them really great houses they can afford near op, talk about the financial benefit of house sale money, the travel...[/quote]

OP's fear is OP's fear, other people should not live their lives to accommodate this fear.  [b]Maybe they want OP to move closer to them based on their fear, should OP do it?[/b]

They know about possibility of this scenario. They still have the right to choose what they want and live with the consequences. E.g. being lonely, etc. In practical terms, even if they live near OP, if OP is employed they would still have to rely on a home aide or some other hired help should they become frail.  What's best in your or anybody else opinion is just that - an opinion, 2 adults don't have to suit others with opinions to make these others more comfortable.

What OP has clearly stated is that the existing house is $$$, OP lives in a cheaper cost of living area, so there will be differential. I see a monetary interest here covered by concern for future well being. If I was OP's parents I'd be like  - no, thanks.[/quote]

That's the crux, right there. Everyone is so centered in their fears they can't think of the other person who has made a guest appearance. It's totally based in anxiety, not reality. OP says "they're healthy, but aging," as if that's justification. But, everyone on the planet is aging. Some people in their late 70s have more mobility than people in their 30s with a chronic illness.

OP, there's no magical conversation that will sway your parents. You can do your best to build a persuasive argument, if you think that won't insult your parents. Or you could try to have a genuine conversation with them, without trying to control everything. [/quote]

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