Reply to How often do you feel like a bad mom?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wonder about these confident posters who do not doubt themselves. Are you like this in general? Do you find most people would agree with that assessment? What were your parents like?
I'm a little jealous and want to know what it's like not to second guess
[/quote]

Yes, I’m like this across the board. And it doesn’t mean I don’t reflect on things, realize I could have done things better or differently and strive to do better the next time. I do all of that. It just doesn’t translate for me into beating myself up over stuff and thinking I’m “bad.” I said in my earlier post that I’m just confident that I am generally doing the best I can in that particular situation.

I think I have a lot of innate self confidence that is nature, but my parents nurtured it as well. I’m also a first born, which sort of tracks to this also. I’m married to a first born and it is sort of funny how confident we are in our “rightness” when we initially disagree. But we are happily married and always work it out. And I think I’m pretty good at realizing when his idea is actually better than mine and can pivot to that. I also am confident enough to realize when my kid has a better idea than me, and I tell her that and we pivot to her idea. I think this is promoting confidence in her.

So, an example, let’s say I’m stressed out about work and I speak sort of harshly to my kid about something where she kind of screwed up but my reaction was stronger than it should have been. I will apologize and try not to do that again. But, I’m not beating myself up about it. I also can say that I have literally never yelled at my kid. Since I manage not to yell at people at work, I can do the same for my kid.

I’m very successful at work and I believe part of this has been a lot of self reflection on how to do better and project confidence. Women apologize too much — and we are trained people pleasers. I have a group of women that have mentored each other over the years on this stuff. Probably ten years ago, we talked about removing the “I think” and “I believe” statements in emails. Just make your recommendation with confidence. I literally just did this in an email yesterday where I read over it and was like “why am I being wishy washy, take those caveats out” and I did it. I’m also confident enough at work to give credit to the people who do the work/come up with the idea. I don’t steal people’s good work and pretend it was my own.
[/quote] Wow. I, I, I… [/quote]
Lol. That PP is full of it—she sounds like she has low self esteem.[/quote]

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