Reply to My MIL is forcing us to pay for my FIL's nursing home because she wants to stay in their house, their only asset

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Reply to "My MIL is forcing us to pay for my FIL's nursing home because she wants to stay in their house, their only asset"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I should add that it is incredibly selfish of her that she does not want to contribute his retirement income to his care, after he worked hard to support the entire family plus her mother for decades. All because she wants to continue an unsustainable living situation for herself.[/quote]

I understand you are upset OP, but back up just a bit.  You are talking about an 85 year old woman who understandably doesn’t want to go to a government run nursing home, and is apparently capable enough to not have the government decide she can’t live alone and force the issue.  Her husband is ailing.  She is old, and probably scared, as I think we all would be.  And your husband wants to help care for her.  The way you phrased the way she put her husband in a nursing home (temporarily, when she herself was incapacitated) was a little harsh.  I just think you need, for the sake of your marriage, to look at her with a bit more compassion than you are.  That doesn’t mean she is doing the right thing!  But maybe just give her some benefit of the doubt in what is undeniably a very disorienting and emotional time in her life.  It’s very common for older people to want to avoid a nursing home and stay at home, and she may be thinking that her husband would have wanted to push off the time for him to go into nursing home as well, even if she isn’t going about things the right way.  Her mind might also not be as sharp given her age too.[/quote]

+1.

I am not usually one to say "this is a husband problem" when people talk about their MIL's.  But in this case it truly is.  Demonizing the MIL in this scenario helps nobody.[/quote]

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