Reply to How to get ex to give me back the kids

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How to get ex to give me back the kids"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ex-husband fought for custody and won.  I was in a terrible place financially and newly unemployed when our divorce hearing was held- I think this was the deciding factor as the judge wrote that we were equally capable as parents (that and he hired the lawyer in the tiny jurisdiction we were in that wins all cases he’s involved in…but that’s another discussion).

It’s been the greatest heartbreak of my life, and [b]I’m sure he fought for custody to hurt me.[/b]  I’ve worked as hard as I can to be a constant source of love and support to our children.  [b]My ex-husband, by all appearances, hates the responsibility of fatherhood and is supremely neglectful: he expects the kids (who are only in elementary) to basically take care of all of their own needs, leaves them alone for long stretches, and drinks heavily/nurses hangovers around them pretty much every day.  He’s also extremely impatient and hypercritical of them.[/b] My kids have begged both of us to live with me; he ignores it and I tell them it’s not up to me.

Recently I said to him that I don’t even want child support (which is true), but that I just want the kids back.  He said that he was open to discussing this.  FWIW all of his animus toward me seems to have faded and we are on friendly enough terms.  He’s said he doesn’t want to have to go back to court and I agree (I’ve been through three lawyers; he’s still paying bills for his one).

How do I sweeten the deal so he just does it?[/quote]

You start by refraining from casting aspersions upon him like the bolded. You must have been in an extraordinarily dangerous situation for the children for a judge to have denied you custody. And so this assertion that he did it to "hurt you" falls flat to me. Also, you say you're not there, so how can you know that he drinks heavily and nurses hangovers around them every day? That's some wild-ass conjecture. Moreover, expecting late-elementary school students to be somewhat self-sufficient isn't necessarily neglectful -- an entire generation of Xers will happily explain about how being latchkey kids was beneficial in the end.

The fact that you moved away AND got remarried is another major complication here. If you were local, 50-50 would be easier to obtain if you have, in fact, gotten your shit together. But asking him to essentially send his kids to you to live -- and make them live with another man who isn't their father, to boot -- is a little more problematic, IMO. I wouldn't agree to that based on what I know about the statistics of abuse, etc. by step-fathers. [/quote]

man, just stfu because you have no understanding of the situation.

what happened is that OP moved away *with her kids.* at that point when the matter goes to court, the judge has to award full custody to one parent because joint custody is not physically possible. per OP the court awarded physical custody to her DH because of her financial situation. now arguably OP is at fault for moving in the first place and setting up this scenario, but she did not abandon her kids, and the court did not find she was an unfit parent because of an “extraordinary dangerous” situation. plus based on what OP says, her ExDH doesn’t even want to parent anymore. Your whole take on this situation is extremely biased. [/quote]

First of all, allow me to disabuse you of the notion that you can tell me -- or anyone -- to "stfu." Especially with your invalid and ridiculous take on the situation. And your finger-pointing about bias? Three point back at you.

It's obvious something very extreme happened. My guess is it had something to do with her taking her kids with her in the first place -- you can't do that and it probably played heavily in the father's favor when it came time to get a ruling. She was found to be an unfit parent. She's prattling on about how he did it to "hurt" her but it sounds like he was just looking out for the children's welfare. It's HER interpretation that he doesn't want to parent -- women often draw that conclusion, but it's usually not true.

It sounds to me like he's amenable to 50/50. That is reasonable and customary. But the minute she tries to demand full custody, my guess is he will rightfully object, especially since she intends to physically remove the children from his state and make them live with a stepfather. I would never allow that and would go completely scorched earth to prevent it.

But, let's review here: You DO NOT tell me to "STFU." Do you understand me? Nod and tell me you understand.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics