Reply to I recently realized that my 13 y.o. daughter is comparing her attractiveness to mine, so I need to step up my game

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Reply to "I recently realized that my 13 y.o. daughter is comparing her attractiveness to mine, so I need to step up my game "

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[quote=Anonymous][twitter][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These posters are mean.

OP, your DD is normal.  My DD has a few "mom" categories:
1. Normal mom - probably what you are now.
2. Botox mom - mom who has way too much plastic surgery and big lips, dresses very nice and expensively
3. Pretty mom - thin, fit, naturally attractive
4. Doesn't care mom - the ones that let themselves go.

In her eyes I'm 3, I think.  There isn't a whole lot of thought that goes into her evaluations, do don't put too much stock in it.[/quote]

This is so messed up, I don’t even know where to begin. I would advise never telling anyone about this. [/quote]

OP here. PP, girls do think in these categories, and to pretend otherwise is not helpful.[/quote]

And it is your job as the parent to put the focus on the things that will carry your daughter through life. Intelligence, hard work, humor, loyalty, kindness. Because looks will fade, and when they do, you don’t want to be left with the nastiness you seem to think is both normal and appropriate.

My message to my daughter has always been that the world will judge you on appearance. This is unfair and there is a whole host of reasons that are terrible for why this is true. But in our house and in our relationship, your looks do not matter. You can choose or not to play the appearance game, but it will never, ever be something you need to do so that I do not judge you. [/quote]

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