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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have separated finances over these issues.  My kids' college savings are more important than my in-law's expenses, some of which included golfing and vacations to see DH's other siblings.  Now, we have to account for things in a way that I dislike, but it was the only way to stop the bleeding.  DH pays his share of our household expenses and then does what he does with what's leftover.  It means he's been under-saving for his retirement, but at least I'm not under-saving, and my kids have money for college. [/quote]

It would be wise to divorce, in that case. You can continue to live together as before, and when it's time to qualify for senior care, he can get it without costing you too much.

[/quote]

I know, and there was I time when I seriously considered divorce and just living together.  If we were in a tighter financial situation than we are now, that's what I'd do.  As it stands, unlike OP, we have a significant amount of home equity that can be directed toward senior care someday, and I nipped this issue early in our marriage, but I've had to go to extraordinary means, like he doesn't have access to the kids' 529 plans (another relative who I trust, not him, is the successor owner if I die as I legitimately worry he'd deplete their 529 plans to give money to other family members),  I have separate investment accounts that he can't access (including retirement account, which he obviously gets if I die), and a brokerage account that is in a trust, and behind the scenes, I run credit checks, and we file taxes separately now.  Our family situation and financial priorities are just really off, and it's by far the biggest challenge in our marriage.  I hope OP can find a better solution, but at least in my solution, we do have a nice family home with a lot of equity, and I have healthy balances in my 401k, brokerage and the kids' 529 plans.      [/quote]

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