Reply to Sigh, I don't know what to do about DH's meanness

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP and my DH does this. He has ADHd/ASD (diagnosed, medicated for the ADHD since adulthood) and this is his typical pattern when tired or when out of his normal routine- in other words, on vacation, during holidays and on weekends.

The only explanation I have for it is that it’s a maladaptive coping mechanism he developed in childhood and relies on because it’s so effective. It’s obvious from childhood stories and from interactions with his parents now that he learned early on to deflect feelings of discomfort from criticism, mistakes or even biological needs like being hungry or tired by throwing a tantrum. The tantrums force people to either concede to his needs/wants to de-escalate the situation or to drop the subject when the situation involves criticism or a mistake.[/quote]

OP here.  This is so helpful, thank you for sharing.  In my household it's similar.  These events have mainly happened outside the normal routine, generally when traveling.  I'm thinking of no more vacations until we get to the root problem.  It's a maladaptive coping mechansim that was maybe learned, maybe stems from anxiety. A tantrum is a good term for it.[/quote]

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