Reply to Did you opt in or out of the UMC admission game? Do you regret it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We didn't do any of that because DC wasn't interested and refused such things when offered or suggested. Did what they wanted in terms of ECs. But even those were done with as much / little gusto they happened to be feeling, so sometimes did well, sometimes were along for the ride. DC has always been one of those "potential" kids who scored 99% on SAT first time even without any prep, but grades less stellar because of ADD, not turning things in, forgetting there was a test the next day. Refused an executive function coach so yes we were trying to address that (had 504 plan).

Despite that all got into a very good school, not as great as might have been possible if they had done all those things and potential, but a T50 school nonetheless.

So, what can I say. [b]Some kids don't take being nudged very well and ours was one. [/b]But they can look back and say they did it on their own terms. And they are enjoying college and doing fine academically.

[/quote]

I had one of these too, at least in regards to ECs. Had to learn early that he was going to follow his own path there. Finished HS with very minimal ECs but had volunteered regularly with the family and got something out of that which showed up in college essays.

I feel my job is to make the resources available and guide them towards options that can make the best of opportunities. Both kids have ADHD and we did pay for tutors. Not for every class but where they were struggling and to learn how to cope with their EF challenges (we pay for medication and therapists too). We encouraged challenging classes -- which they were up for because their friends we also doing a lot of APs -- but also insisted on balance so junior year was 3 APs not the 4-5 some friends took because doing well in 3 is better than killing yourself for a B-C average in 5 APs. DD did have a clear passion for the outdoors and so I helped her find outside-of-school ECs that she enjoyed to build on that. We paid for summer camps to explore interests and each did a short pre-college program to test out their planned majors.

We didn't pay for a college coach but that's because I really immersed myself in understanding college admissions and doing the research for potential options. I got really clear on what we could afford and, frankly, that takes out some of the stress when you realize that even if you pushed the kids and they pushed themselves to do absolutely everything to be the perfect candidate and they got into impressive schools we ultimately couldn't pay for them anyway. So we focused on learning about schools we could afford, helping the kids figure out what environment appealed to them (big state u for one, LAC for another), and what schools had great programs for what they wanted to do. Both are happy where they landed and doing well since they had a good HS foundation.

One note about tutors...DS was really resistant to a tutor when we first insisted on one in 9th grade when he was failing French. We learned his MS had done a bad job with teaching the foundations so he was floundering. I think some kids get the idea that there is some shame in needing a tutor. He ended up really liking his French tutor (a young man who also shared his love of soccer) and after that was more open to working with an EF and writing tutor (also a young man). Now in college, he knows the value of going to the writing center or the student support center when he needs it. I think if you need a tutor for every class, all the time, something is probably off in the classes the kid is in. But, teaching kids that it's ok to get additional help when you hit a rough patch is a good thing.[/quote]

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