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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Look , real relationships require both parties to want to establish and continue that relationship. You can’t force or be upset when someone doesn’t want to do this with you. A call, FaceTime, text or social media message isn’t like tag now you’re obligated to engage back and now we have a close relationship. This is too one sided.

If you don’t share a common passion or career, don’t live nearby , or aren’t aligned for both parties to want to be close then the most you would have would be a superficial relationship based on infrequent hallmark messages and well wishes. Some people like this but others find it really pointless.

It sounds like the OP does not have a close relationship with the young adult nieces and nephews. They aren’t rude for not wanting this or pretending.

Young adults are building their independence and busy. If OP is lonely, she should seek out the older and elderly relatives who probably are lonely too. [/quote]

Acknowledging a gift or birthday message isn’t “pretending to have a relationship”. It’s having the most basic manners. I haven’t seen my aunt in decades, but I’m certainly not going to leave her on read if she sends me an email wishing me a happy new year or something.

I know that a lot of younger people think that any communication with people who aren’t close friends is phony. I’ve seen many online debates where older folk think it’s rude that their younger coworkers will not acknowledge a “good morning” when they pass each other in the hallway, and the younger ones say that it’s inauthentic to speak to someone who isn’t a friend. I’ve even heard some say that it’s “abusive” to expect them to wish their colleagues a nice day.

Look, I’m not American, I’m not into big white smiles and fake positivity. But I am into manners. It would be very rude of me to ignore a happy new year message from my aunt, and takes less than thirty seconds to respond. It is rude to stand there blinking dumbly at someone who gives you a gift or even just smiles and says hello.

I’m glad that we’ve moved away from forcing kids to hug relatives they don’t want to hug. I believe in authentic relationships and quality over quantity. I will never think it’s acceptable to flat out ignore best wishes or invitations or gifts from people who have never harmed you.

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