Reply to How should I deal with emotionally dismissive parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I need your wisdom.  I feel like wisdom can solve my relationship problems - I believe it but I don't have the wisdom yet.

I read that some parents are emotionally unavailable/dismissive.  I had sort of an Ah-Ha moment when I read that, this could explain a lot of the troubles I am having with my parents.  I know some parents are Narcissistic or don't really love their children, I don't think it is the case here.  I think my parents are raised in a way they see emotion as a weakness, or maybe the trauma they endured forced them to block out emotions, they learned to "just deal with it" in private.

Now if such emotionally unavailable parent did something that really hurt your feelings, and you can't resolve this issue or move on with no resentment unless you have a heart-to-heart conversation with them, but these parents simply do not want to engage in such talk, what should you do?  To illustrate what I mean:

Me: mom, you really made me feel (rejected/shamed/hurt) when you did X
Mom: well, I did X because of (insert any reason/rational she has), now let's move on
me: mom, I am still really upset about it, (go on to explain why it bothers me)
Mom: For god sake, let it go, it's time to move past it.  I did (list things she did good for me)
Me: crying, can't you see that I am still very upset about it and I just want to talk about it
Mom: sigh, I don't know what to do, I tried, I (again, repeat her reason/rationale), I really tried, you can't still be upset about this, let it go
End of conversation and I feel even more rejected/shamed/hurt than before the conversation.

My question is:  how can I effectively communicate with her in a way that she gets it?  I understand she has some communication problems, but I can't solve that, I can only accept it and try to find a way to get my message through.  I need to express my feelings and feel heard, is this possible with emotionally dismissive parents?

[/quote]

Take her to attend a few sessions with a therapist or a clergy person where you two can open up. Its probably not evident to you but it must be difficult for her as well. [/quote]

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