Reply to How should I deal with emotionally dismissive parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your mother did the best she could at the time. You cannot base your happiness now on asking other people to deliver more than they can. She doesn't want to rehash the past. She can't go back and change what happened, and she isn't in a place to fill your emotional needs now. You need to work on yourself now, that is the only thing you can change.[/quote]

I work myself and start healing myself by accepting that she doesn’t love me? Or loves me a little but not enough? Is that what you mean? I want to accept the truth, I just don’t know what the truth is, I think a lot of my internal struggles come from this confusion. [/quote]

What if the answer is complicated and there are multiple “truths”?

We love people the way and to the degree we know how to, and that might not match the way and to the degree they expect to receive it. If you need her to give you tulips in order to feel loved and she only knows how to give daisies, receiving tulips seems really clear and simple to you but could be difficult/impossible to her.

A therapist can help you sort what is within your control and maybe help you  negotiate a peace with yourself.[/quote]

The truth is you are both human beings, OP, with strengths and weaknesses.

Your framing is concerning and I also urge you to seek therapy and perhaps DBT or CBT to address what may be anxiety and depression.

I found this workbook helpful but you need to do it in conjunction with therapy. 
https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Parent-Guidebook-Softcover-Spiralbound/dp

A therapy support group may also be helpful to you to get out of your head a bit more. I think you and your mom are a mismatch in style as is very common. You can't see or accept what she does give, the flower example above is a good one. Not sure why you make it an issue of love but that is something to work out over time with a professional. I think this would benefit all of the relationships in your life. [/quote]

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