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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I need some perspective on an issue I am having with my boyfriend of just over a year. We are both in our 30s, I am divorced and he has never been married. No kids. He is a fabulous man and I can truly see myself spending the rest of my life with him, except for one big problem: his ex girlfriend.

He and his ex were friends for many years before they dated, and the relationship lasted a year and a half. The last 4-5 months of it was long distance, and they broke up due to religious differences and incompatibility about how they might raise future children (she wanted with her religion, he wanted either no religion or for them to decide when they're older). That is all to say that their relationship didn't end due to cheating or abuse or anything.

We started dating about 6 months after they broke up, and he told me before we were exclusive that he is friends with her. At first I thought this was a green flag, that he can be mature about relationships ending, but as time went on I realized the depth of their friendship and I am not okay with it, specifically the frequency of how often they communicate. She lives halfway across the country, and they would text each other multiple times a week for a few hours at a time, with a phone call every month or so. We talked about how this made me uncomfortable and he agreed to dial back the contact significantly, to every month or so. She has not really liked that, and had been trying to ramp up communication again, including trying to convince him to do a "movie night" where they sit on the phone and watch a movie together. I told him that is inappropriate and something that people in LDRs do, not friends who have significant others.

He doesn't have a lot of friends, and says that because they were friends for a while before they dated, and there are no hard feelings between them since the break up, that I feel like he does enjoy having her as a friend. I have read their texts and the content is friendly/platonic, just way too often in my opinion. Just before christmas they were on the phone for THREE hours "catching up" despite texting weekly about mundane stuff. I almost dumped him when he told me that, and he agreed to only contact her on birthdays and holidays going forward.

I truly think he is not doing this maliciously, but that he really does value this friendship with her. I have told him I can't be in a relationship with someone that close to their ex, and so he agreed to birthday/holiday contact only.

Any thoughts? Are we doomed?[/quote]

I’m on the phone with male friends for hours on a daily basis and we all text constantly and I have a group chat with some other friends that includes men and women. Completely platonic. DH is sometimes on speaker chiming in to our crazy conversations. Some of us grab lunch or dinner because we all live close by.

This woman is miles away, relax. [/quote]

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