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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does anyone else miss being in love?

I’m a 39 year old mom of 2 married to a good DH for 12 years. On the plus side, he works hard for the family, shares chores, and loves me and our kids. He’s reliable and solid. I don’t worry he’ll cheat or run out on us. On the negative side, he’s overweight (I’m very fit), can be VERY argumentative and complaining, his family is awful to me (interracial couple), and he’s honestly bad in bed (with no improvement despite years of feedback). He also has gross habits — the type of guy who farts, picks his nose, and burps openly. Overall, it’s not perfect, but I can’t make a case for blowing up our lives by leaving.

Nonetheless, I have found myself deeply, achingly lonely and bored for a few years now. I find DH completely unromantic, boring, and stagnant. We share no hobbies or interests. I tried for years to find activities to do together, but he finally admitted he’s not up for trying new things. We have no friends in common and he barely sees his friends. He’s very content going to work, coming home to eat dinner in front of the tv, and going to bed after doing chores. On the weekends, he’s content doing stuff with the kids, eating out once or twice, and watching a lot of tv. He has a depression diagnosis but won’t take meds or go to therapy. He’s content just existing and I don’t begrudge him that, but being married to someone like this is killing me.

I’m not attracted to him anymore, but I have sex with him regularly purely because my sex drive has revved up over my 30s. I’m horny all the time, but the sex absolutely sucks. When I tried to spice up our sex life with extended foreplay, toys, sharing fantasies etc., he said I was acting weird and clammed up until we reverted to the same lame quickies in which he’s finished within minutes.

I’ve thrown myself into parenting, leaned into my job, got a certificate in a tough area of study, taken up new sports, become an avid chef, joined a book club, become politically active, decorated and redecorated our house…all over the past few years. I’m doing all the things alleviate my incredible boredom and loneliness in this marriage, but I still feel so unfulfilled.

I feel as if I’m drowning. Right now, he’s glued to sports on his phone as he eats his second serving of dinner. I just finished working out. I miss passion, excitement, lusting for my significant other, sharing things with each other, exploring life…living! I feel as if I’m just waiting to die. It’s becoming an existential crisis for me as I second guess my life. DH isn’t going to change, but I don’t want to blow up my kids’ lives over my romantic needs. My kids are really happy and have no idea that their do-it-all mom is overcompensating for missing romantic love in her life.

Any advice? Commiseration? It’s a new year and I feel dejected continuing like this.[/quote]

Could you elaborate a bit more on your interracial relationship. It could be cultural. Perhaps your hubby comes a culture where men act this way. [/quote]
DH is Jewish (Ashkenazi and born/raised on Northeast, if it matters). I’m a mixed-race second-gen immigrant.[/quote]

That’s disappointing. I’m Askhi as well and the men are usually not that boring. Many are out of shape but not that outwardly gross and they tend to at least be funny or witty. [/quote]

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