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[quote=Anonymous]OP back with an update for anyone who cares. Mostly, this is just me venting into the anonymous void, so thank you.

[i]TLDR: My parents don't communicate their needs, even when I specifically ask them (i.e. what do you want to do/eat when you're here?). They spend their visits grumbling or saying one thing and then doing another (i.e. telling us to go on a date night while they babysit and then complaining when we schedule one; telling us pasta will be fine for dinner and then ordering out as I start making it).[/i]

After months of my parents asking to come visit, they came New Years weekend. They brought a whole box of my old toys that I didn't want and told them to throw away years ago (including my old recorder from 4th grade that I now have to take away from my kids).

I asked ahead of their visit what groceries they wanted us to have in the house and what food they might want to eat while they were here and they said anything we had would be fine. But then they grumbled every day at lunch about how we didn't have any food before going out to get a burger. To be clear: we had tuna, veggie burgers, chicken (cooked, just needed to be reheated), lots of different fruits and vegetables, frozen french fries and chicken nuggets, mac and cheese or rotini, eggs, and peanut butter and jelly. On their last night here, I asked if they would eat pasta or if I should order them something (DH and I were supposed to go out to dinner; see below) and they said pasta would be fine. Then, an hour later as I started boiling water, my dad announced that he was going out to pick up dinner and came back with enough shrimp for everyone, despite the fact that DH and I and our kids don't eat shellfish and haven't for 12+ years. Last time they visited, they picked up a bunch of breakfast foods "for everyone" that none of us eat, like a giant apple fritter.

For Christmas, my parents sent us a gift card to a restaurant with a note that we should have a date night and they would be happy to babysit. It was a not-subtle plea to come visit us. But then when I took them up on it while they were here and made reservations for us to go out, they were surprised and seemed annoyed that they would have to do bedtime for our kids (who share a room, go to bed at the same time, and are pretty easy to handle). Our youngest ended up being sick and we canceled our reservation in the end. Our daughter, who had a slight fever Saturday night, but then was mostly fine all day Sunday, spiked a super high fever Sunday evening (102 at home, 104 by the time we got to urgent care). My parents commented multiple times that "she had seemed totally normal" as if we were somehow making up her fever or blowing it out of proportion.

Like every time they visit, we had to drag them to do anything other than sit on the couch with their phones or watching TV. We went out to dinner the night they got into town (Thursday) and went to a winery on Sunday. We also invited them to go to a playground with our daughters on Saturday afternoon, but it was too cold and they declined, so I stayed home with them while my husband took the kids out. That was it. They are 61 and very active/mobile. It's not like we wanted to run them all over town, but it was like pulling teeth to go anywhere.

At one point, my nephew (6) called my daughter (5) and they were talking on the phone, until my dad came over to take over the conversation and talk to my nephew.

At another point, my daughters (5 and 3) were playing "jail" with my dad, who was playing along nicely. My kids put him in jail and then started bringing him food from their toy kitchen. My mom kept hissing at him under her breath to stop playing. Presumably because "jail" is not a nice game? I don't know; she didn't elaborate.[/quote]

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