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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks, everyone, for all your thoughts and sharing your experiences—I knew you guys would hit it out of the park. This dcum community is amazing. It was very helpful to hear your experiences of taking your DCs to funerals, that it turned out okay, and that it was beneficial for many reasons.

To the PP who mentioned they wished they were given the choice to attend...now that I think about it, I wasn't given a choice either to attend most of my grandparents' funerals, and in retrospect kind of wish they had asked me, too. I think my parents thought it wasn't necessary to include me and to expose me to all the grief, but it would have been good to have been included.

Thanks to the PP who sent that Today’s Parent article which had a link to Child Mind Institute’s helping a child cope with grief guide:

https://childmind.org/guide/helping-children-cope-with-grief/#block_1d13b2de-e1c7-4e81-8b4c-a4a2e151f290

I showed it to DH and he agreed that, as some PPs suggested, it’s good not to force a child to go. So we'll check in with DC to see her thoughts on attending the memorial. I would like her to go but will not force her. Thanks to the PPs who suggested that it might be good to sit in the back and to have an exit strategy (like asking the funeral director where to go, or going to a nearby coffee shop), to bring an activity bag with lovies, and to take breaks as needed in case the funeral becomes overwhelming. Play-Doh is a great idea, and I know she'd appreciate making cards for others.

Thanks to the PPs who pointed out that it might be difficult for DH to go through this by himself: he was distraught at the news the first night (never seen him like that). I agree it's good to show up for people as best we can, and that funerals are a time when we come together for support, to collectively mourn, and to understand (and maybe become less fearful about) this natural cycle of life.

To the PP who mentioned elephants--they are incredible animals. You reminded me about a wonderful picture book called "The Elephants Come Home" that is about a beautiful friendship between a conservationist and an elephant family, loss, and how elephants mourn. I will read the book to her tonight--thank you so much.

PP correctly discerned that her grandmother lives far away and DC has only seen her grandmother twice in her life, and doesn't really remember her.

Moving forward, we will continue to dialogue with her about death and the natural progression of life. Regarding PP's question about whether DC has shared what in particular she's concerned about--I'm not quite sure, but that's an excellent question. Thanks for that idea.

Sorry for the long post but I wanted to address and thank all those who were kind enough to share their thoughtful perspectives. [/quote]

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