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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you guys celebrate Christmas? I would either box her stuff up when you roll out the Christmas decorations, or if it’s too late for that now, I’d box them up afterwards for a fresh start with the new year.  I’d tell my husband either she’s leaving in January or I am.

It’s a rare case where you can have two women in one house.  This is clearly not working.  [/quote]

OP here, this is maybe one thing that has me more angry than anything - I can't put up any decorations or even the tree because her sh*t is everywhere.  I would love to box her stuff up and then put it out with a curb alert, but I am actually terrified of her.  She has a terrible temper, and we all walk on eggshells around her.  DH is also scared of her, which is why he allows this to go on.  I am a very conflict-avoidant person, as having someone shout at me makes me literally shake and feel sick, and I just cannot stand up to her.  I know it sounds like I'm a doormat - maybe I am - but I have been made to feel for so many years like I am the problem, and I just need to be friendlier and a better host.

Yes, she is from another culture.  (Please don't everyone try to guess, it's not that common and you won't get it.)  I am not from that culture, but it's hard to stand up to this stuff when every other person in the family sees me as the problem.  And it is a really really big family.  I don't want to leave my husband.  We have been married 25 years and have a tween, and he's otherwise a great husband, plus financially it's not feasible for me.  The fact that he is also unable to stand up to her, and that this puts him in such a bad situation and makes him unhappy, makes me want to be the bigger person and just put up with it for his sake, but there is a limit, and I feel like the limit is not that far away.  For the record, this is not the first time she's done this, which is why I suspect it could go on for several more months at least (even though DH keeps assuring me it won't, based on no evidence I can see), which is why I am so anxious. [/quote]

This is not just a husband problem, this is also a you problem.  People like your MIL take advantage of people they can.  She knows you’re both afraid of her and conflict avoidant so she wins.  The only way you’ll win is if you grow a backbone and set clear boundaries.  If you can’t do this, book a therapist for you and your husband who can help you learn how to set boundaries.  However, know this could be a much longer process than just working up the nerve to move out (temporarily) or box up her things and give her a deadline to do so.  Good luck.  You CAN do this and you’ll be better off for it![/quote]

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