Reply to MIL came temporarily but isn't making plans to leave

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you guys celebrate Christmas? I would either box her stuff up when you roll out the Christmas decorations, or if it’s too late for that now, I’d box them up afterwards for a fresh start with the new year.  I’d tell my husband either she’s leaving in January or I am.

It’s a rare case where you can have two women in one house.  This is clearly not working.  [/quote]

OP here, this is maybe one thing that has me more angry than anything - I can't put up any decorations or even the tree because her sh*t is everywhere.  I would love to box her stuff up and then put it out with a curb alert, but I am actually terrified of her.  She has a terrible temper, and we all walk on eggshells around her.  DH is also scared of her, which is why he allows this to go on.  I am a very conflict-avoidant person, as having someone shout at me makes me literally shake and feel sick, and I just cannot stand up to her.  I know it sounds like I'm a doormat - maybe I am - but I have been made to feel for so many years like I am the problem, and I just need to be friendlier and a better host.

Yes, she is from another culture.  (Please don't everyone try to guess, it's not that common and you won't get it.)  I am not from that culture, but it's hard to stand up to this stuff when every other person in the family sees me as the problem.  And it is a really really big family.  I don't want to leave my husband.  We have been married 25 years and have a tween, and he's otherwise a great husband, plus financially it's not feasible for me.  The fact that he is also unable to stand up to her, and that this puts him in such a bad situation and makes him unhappy, makes me want to be the bigger person and just put up with it for his sake, but there is a limit, and I feel like the limit is not that far away.  For the record, this is not the first time she's done this, which is why I suspect it could go on for several more months at least (even though DH keeps assuring me it won't, based on no evidence I can see), which is why I am so anxious. [/quote]

Posters are not telling you to divorce. They are saying you need to be willing to leave temporarily to show DH you mean business and that he really needs to choose you over his mother.

Sympathize with DH that it is hard to stand up to his mother but make sure he knows exactly what kind of toll this is taking on you and the family.

When MIL goes to visit friends again, have DH give her names of hotels and real estate agents and let her know that while he’s enjoyed having time with her, it’s time for her to find her own place.[/quote]

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