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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When she looks at you before your wedding day and asks if your dress is still going to fit. [/quote]
When you are 13 and get your first period, you go straight to her and she tells you, "figure it out". When you talk back (as teenagers do) she says, "if I knew you'd be like this, I would've had an abortion!". Things like that.[/quote]

My mother’s first words when I told her my boyfriend had proposed were, “Well, I like him okay, but I don’t think he likes me very much.” 
For those trying to understand, it is about having to, from a young age, take care of the wants and needs of your parent and not being allowed to have any wants and needs of your own. My mother would scream at us when she didn’t get her way, and holidays usually ended in a narcissistic rage about how one of us had “ruined” her day. It’s very hard for those who had decent childhoods to get how soul-crushing it is. [/quote]

This resonates. I was a bit homely as a teen and my mom wouldn’t give me the money or help to look more pulled together. I didn’t have a ton of friends and boys were not interested in me. In a moment of stupid vulnerability I expressed to my mom that I wished I had a homecoming date. My mom volunteered that maybe I was a lesbian and that’s why boys didn’t like me, and if I wore lipstick I wouldn’t look as plain and then I wouldn’t be a lesbian. But also she wouldn’t buy it for me or let me wear makeup.

When I was engaged and called my mom to tell her and share our plans for a small but lovely wedding (to a man, bc still not a lesbian), my mom went silent for a full 30 seconds. Then she said “oh.” And went silent again. Finally she said, “well, this isn’t the wedding I wanted. I feel disappointed.” That was literally her first response to the news!

She’s been married twice herself and already had two weddings.[/quote]

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