Reply to Do you ever take a PTO day without telling spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I didn’t tell him because he’d get offended I didn’t want him around and/or he’d expect me to be doing something “productive” (like chores that otherwise have to get done evenings and weekends).  I just wanted to spend the day in bed, in my sweats, eating chips and watching awful daytime TV while scrolling DCUM and other mindless internetting!  [b]I didn’t pretend to go to work.  He has a longer commute so leaves earlier than I do.  I worked out this AM and took the kids to school as usual, then returned home.[/b] [/quote]
You have to still see that as a lie of omission. Since you didnt say anything and knew he left before you, you knew he wouldnt "notice" so you didnt have to tell him outright.

I dont think Id appreciate my spouse behaving like this. "if she doesnt specifically ask, I dont have to tell" feels wrong in a marriage (in mine at least). [/quote]

You sound really controlling.[/quote]
People who don't appreciate their spouse lying to them arent crazy, controlling or whatever else you replied as. I'd consider a spouse continually, habitually lying a huge problem. [/quote]
I do feel for OPs situation though, her husband "not letting" her have a day to herself is terrible, so I get why she did it. I just don't think lying to your spouse contributes to a healthy foundation in marriage.[/quote]

But this is incorrect.  Her husband doesn't control her at all.  OP does whatever the heck she wants to do, whenever the heck she wants.to do it.  She just blames her husband for her own choices rather than accept responsibility for them like an adult.

It is actually OP who is fully in control of what happens in her marriage.  That's what the lying and deception is all about.  A.method of controlling the other person.

She took a day off to be lazy.  She feels guilty about that.  Rather than examine her own feelings and her own dysfunctional behavior which causes her guilt, she projects everything into her husband.

Her husband may be needy but OP has encouraged and enabled that throughout the entire marriage.  Deliberately doing things which she is aware will create insecurity is her way of maintaining control over her husband and her marriage.

If OP were emotionally healthy she would have simply told her husband the truth that she wanted to take a day off just to pamper herself or whatever.  However that would present her as being selfish to her husband rather than the phony self sacrificing martyr persona she prefers to wear.[/quote]

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