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[quote=Anonymous]I find all this advice pro and con very interesting and sort of well-reasoned on both sides but I don't understand (as a woman) how somebody can decide whether they are on a marriage track in six months.  That's barely scratching the surface of getting to know someone.  I'd say people can fake being better people than they actually are for far, far longer than that.  I've also watched a lot of grey divorces happen lately so feel you don't want to be hasty on the front end.

I am not a child of divorce but my observation is that if the primary attachment is strong and the DC can accept that mom dates/has friends, it's not irresponsible to have children meet their parents' friends (in a tasteful fashion, of course).  Just don't encourage any "new dad" fantasies until a marriage decision has been made.  And in this case, due to bereavement, it is possible that there is not the risk of a daily emotional loyalty conflict between a bio dad and mom's new person to create upset.  That's a helpful situation, if true.

I have had Russian male friends who were raised by single moms who turned out just fine without a dad because it was more normal there.  The kid adapts to what the mom conveys is normal. Mom (hopefully along with grandma's help) is enough to raise a happy child.  Our American media culture tells us otherwise but that's because severe poverty is conflated with a lot of American single motherhood.

Have to say this...if I was feeling unsure or wanted to give a relationship some time to grow...and they pulled a "'Rules girl" approach on me, I'd take it as a sign that this person was too impatient for me.

I think this OP needs more advice from men.  Women tend to be more commitment-oriented so are biased in that direction (insist on it, walk now, etc.)

I have an uncle who has never married.  His college girlfriend came back after two husbands for a 15+ year stretch (unmarried) then dumped him again to marry a better option.  Example of how there can be a strong tie without getting all the way to married.  I guess that's my example of a cautionary tale. Though at retirement age, there were benefit reasons not to marry.  Only OP can really figure out the reasons for this guy's slow walking and how much of a dealbreaker they are.

Be kind to yourself OP.  You have your eyes open, make sure you keep your mind open.[/quote]

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