Reply to Husband’s female friend encroaching

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My spouse tried to police my contacts with old friends and colleagues. I shut that controlling sh** down immediately.[/quote]
+1 This woman has been a platonic (OP’s words) friend longer than there’s been a wife. [/quote]

Where are you getting that from? I went back and OP never said how long they've been married...[/quote]

But if it’s on the up and up why wouldn’t this other woman reach out to be friend the OP and show some respect to their marriage? or even more importantly her husband include her

Truth be told it doesn’t matter that they haven’t been married as long as they been friends. They are still married. You don’t have to cross a certain number of married years before you should be able to expect your partner to put you first.

That’s a gaslighting phrase ppl like to use to excuse poor behavior and boundaries or[b] to make it sound like the wife is wrong for wanting to not come second to another woman in her husbands life.[/b][/quote]

Can you explain your thinking here?  How is the friend coming in first?  He supports his wife financially.  He LIVES with his wife.  He does chores for their house/children/family.  He probably watches TV with her and talks to her. He parents with her.

And because he has texts with a platonic woman friend, he is putting the friend first?

I’m unable to follow that logic at all.  Why can’t good friends exist outside of a marriage/relationship?  He ISN”T married to the friend. He is a support to that friend becuase that is what friends do, support each other.  But his wife is still MORE supported by him (sexually, financially, physically and emotionally).[/quote]

I wasn’t saying he doesn’t put his wife first on a day to day basis. I meant more that if he pushes back against OP’s wishes to cut back he is putting this need for friendship with this other woman over his own wife. If it’s so platonic why can’t they all be friends? Including the spouses. Do like double dates group chatting. Why does the friendship have to remain just the 2 of them if it’s just platonic, right?[/quote]

Well, no. Pushing back would be a natural and understandable reaction to an inappropriate request. It’s about rejecting her attempt to control him, it’s not really about the friend. [/quote][/quote]

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