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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This rings so close to home I had to call my sister and ask her if she posted this. [/quote]

Same here… never expected to have (multiple!) people describe experiences so similar to mine.

[b]
In my case, though a lot of therapy, I’ve come to the conclusion that my mother is only comfortable in relationships where she is unquestionably “the giver,” and tries to force all her relationships to fit this dynamic. If you are self-supporting, she loses interest completely. [/b]

It’s sad for her because she is not conscious of (or simply doesn’t have the capacity to understand) what she is doing, and absolutely refuses to change her behavior. But will also ask me why we aren’t closer.[/quote]

Huh, I had not thought about this, but it makes sense. In my case, I think a significant part of it is that her parents were similarly neglectful of her and put the “community” above her needs, again lots of good deeds for random people. I think it’s a defense mechanism that she does the same. If she admitted that it’s not the right thing to do, she would have to admit that her own family didn’t prioritize her needs ever.

Amazing to see so many people on this thread with similar issues. Really helpful to know it’s not just me. And also that the gaslighting that she does to me is just that - if am disappointed when she bails on something, she makes me feel like I’m some selfish person who is against community service, lol. [/quote]

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