Reply to How do you “emotionally support” a woman?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How do you “emotionally support” a woman?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, my husbnad *is* emotionally supportive. Here are a few examples of that:

1. He doesn't tell me to stop feeling the way I'm feeling when I'm angry, sad, etc.

2. If I am having a hard time, like if I'm really sick or had a failure, he genuinely feels bad for me.

3.When I share a problem with him (one that he can tell is impacting me emotionally), he will usually ask if I want a solution before offering one. If he starts going into "problem-solving mode" when that's not what I want, I tell him "I don't need advice right now, I just need to get this off my chest," he just says "okay" and gets into listening mode.

4. He asks me how I'm doing and genuinely wants to know the answer.

5. If he knows I'm having a hard time he will do little things for me, like getting me some cookies from the grocery store.

Basically I know he genuinely cares about my wellbeing and doesn't think I'm a hysterical woman for having my share of natural negative emotions. We have done marriage counseling so he wasn't born handling others' negative emotions well, but he has always valued emotional closeness with people. [/quote]

My DH does all of the above and much much more, and it's not enough, not even close. These are the same things he would do for a family friend or a relative because he is a "good" person.

I cannot go into too much detail because my DH reads these, but I would say that there are several decisions about career, family planning and our intimate connection that DH and I have had discussions about, and I expressed and took certain positions based on his statements only for him to later on downplay what he said at the time when we have to put the plan in motion. His latest explanation: "I was joking when I made the original statements".

One time he waited until when we had to go through with the plan, and I said so when are we moving, and then he said it was no longer possible because of work. He never brought up at the time when the plan became impossible. He waited until it was time to carry out the plan and I had to ask him. This was concerning a discussion that we had before we got married and I expressly told him I would not marry him if he couldn't make this move. He assured me it was an easy move for him. We got married and things changed, and he never informed me.

With the most recent issue, he wouldn't say: sorry, things have changed. Let's have another discussion and see how we can work with the current situation. Nope. He said he was joking on statements that have affected plans made in the marriage. I discussed these plans with him over and over thinking he was on board until the time came to follow through, and  he was no longer interested ( or was never interested, who knows).

Everyone around me thinks i have the best husband because he is very kind and caring  But in many ways, this man is a jerk.  It' just not visible to outsiders because we are doing well and I am an easy going person: As long as my children are happy and healthy and loved, i can adjust. And my children are all these things, and DH is an amazing father.

DH would argue that the communication issues stem from his conflict avoidant nature and anxiety. He likes to wish what he sees as problems away. It does not matter. The consequences are the same. It's an emotional roller coaster for me, being with someone who you hesitate to have an honest conversation with because you wonder if he is telling you the truth or what you want to hear.  I am not feeling emotionally supported in this marriage.

[/quote]

I guess because I have been through a successful round of marriage counseling I see posts like these and wonder why you haven’t aggressively pursued marriage counseling.  These types of issues are the type of issue that marriage counseling is best for.  You don’t hate each other or want to divorce, but there are real communication problems that could benefit from sitting down with a third party and hashing things out.

Waiting until you are so frustrated you don’t want to be married anymore is the wrong time to begin marriage counseling. [/quote]

I pray counseling helps us as much as it has helped you. We are starting counseling this December.

He has been in therapy for 3 years now for these issues.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics