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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Many people don't take the time to understand their kids' perspective, and it leads to unnecessary conflict and sometimes, years of lasting resentment. I will never forget my mother's hyper-controlling behavior. We will never have the relationship she craves because of how she behaved towards me as a teen and young adult, before I laid down boundaries.

I have a teen daughter. I tailor my response to what her ACTUAL problem is (which is often different from what the STATED problem is). If she picks fights after a late evening practice because she's exhausted and hungry... there is no point in responding. She's just going to escalate and it will turn into a huge thing if I lay down the law. She will remember it years later as coercion and cruelty, and she'll be right.

My daughter is never rude when she's well-rested and fed. She can be short with us when stressed out right before a competition or major performance. She is making progress in that department and is immediately capable of self-reflection and apologies when I point it out. The fatigued&hungry rudeness has yet to improve, however, but I'm sure it will.

The key is to come at this from a place of love, not "I have the power and I will crush you just because I can" perspective, which is what her father defaults to.
My college-aged son, who is very respectful and my teen daughter, who is working towards that goal, have a close bond with me. Not so much with him!

[/quote]

Wowza!  Enjoy your divorce that I am guessing is coming as soon as your daughter leaves the nest.

Your poor husband.[/quote]

+1. Honestly.[/quote]

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