Reply to Main breadwinner for family but need to quit because of SN child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wonder if OP is dealing with severe behaviors at home & school on top of a demanding job - that can indeed start to seem impossible especially if the coparent is really dropping the ball. If OP is using significant time during the day to deal with school, insurance, therapists, then comes home to ALSO have to do most of the cooking/cleaning WHILE dealing with a tantruming rigid kid … then that could be completely overwhelming if she also has a difficult job. I’ve been in varieties of that scenario and really only get by because my job is 100% remote and flexible and takes less than 40hrs/week. if OP’s job is at all demanding it could seem impossible. [/quote]

Maybe OP's low-earning DH can do the cooking/cleaning! Oh wait we're not allowed to talk about that completely obvious solution.[/quote]

PP here. If her DH is anything like mine he doesn’t do cooking or cleaning …[/quote]

Op Here. They are mocking me for not wanting to get into why that’s not a solution to my problems. They think if I just talk to DH, or take him to therapy, or stop doing things, or divorce him that somehow the dishes/laundry/trash/cooking will get magically get done.
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We are trying to tell you that your DH is the problem. Not wanting to talk about it doesn't change that.[/quote]

Op here. Yes my DH is a problem. But talking about it on here won’t change that. I’ve tried all the things (therapy, medical work up for him, dropping the rope, therapy for myself, threatening divorce, trial separation, etc.). I don’t have the power to make another human being do anything. I’ve made the decision that even if he only contributes 10%, that I’d rather have that 10% than not and in the meantime I’m not going to make myself miserable trying to find some kind of strategy or technique to get him to change. [/quote]

Okay, that seems reasonable.  But you can’t live on his salary and can’t make him get a better job, so you cant quit either.

I hear you say the current status quo is unsustainable, but you make a lot of money in the Midwest, so you will need to hire more.  Like a housekeeper/cook who handles packing everyone’s lunch, making and cleaning up dinner, grocery shopping, and does all the laundry.   So all you do is parent, work, and handle insurance/therapy stuff.   That’s still two full time jobs but better than the three you have now.  [/quote]

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