Reply to Main breadwinner for family but need to quit because of SN child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it seems like you want people to tell you "Yes, if you take a year off, things will be way better and you can resume your career as before". But it just doesn't work that way. These situations are unpredictable and ever-changing, and we all just have to live with it.

What will likely make things better is:

Sorting out whatever is going on in your DH's head and in your marriage-- it really seems like that's a huge part of the problem.

Accepting some childcare help-- even if that means paying a premium for a SN-experienced nanny, and taking a very hard look at yourself to see your role in the prior nanny thing not working out.

Taking a deep breath and accepting that your DC's condition may never change no matter what you do. How would you want to live if you knew it would never change?[/quote]

Op here. We still have the nanny, I just meant it wasn’t the game changer I hoped it would be. She’s wonderful but it hasn’t substantially changed the realities of my life in a way that has made it feel do-able.[/quote]

I have been doing this for decades and I never have felt this situation was do-able. You do your best and the child with challenges becomes an adult with challenges. The important thing is to view it as a marathon, not a 5-year or 10-year window that requires superhuman effort. Keep your job and your nanny, ask for help from family if available, and take care of yourself. Your child will not be able to take care of you. The parents I know who were trying to do it all are burnt out and nobody benefits from that. [/quote]

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