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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP just picking up on your "gathering of 6 with 2 small children" - is your Thanksgiving your family (with kids) and all the guests are adults? This is a hard thing to get excited about IMO. It's a lot of work but at the end of the day kids keep having their own needs and no peers to enjoy it with.

Just venting about some of my own Tgivings![/quote]

OP here. Yes, it’s really quiet and boring. My family has tons of cousins, aunts and uncles, etc. We rarely see DH’s sister and her family as they live on the West Coast, but at least things are a little lively when they are part of the mix.

I’m just going to scale back, do only what I’ve committed to doing, and let the rest of them figure it out with takeout menus or whatever. I’ll have plenty of food around so people can make themselves a sandwich whenever. It’s just going to be a little funny because I don’t think appetizers or anything like that have occurred to DH, so we’ll probably end up scrounging around for olives and cheese until the food is ready. I just don’t care this year. As long as my kids are fed, people can go help themselves to whatever. I’m not interested in appetizers and cocktails. [/quote]

I’m not going to agree with everyone else.  I think it is rude to host people and “not care.”  If you had issues with the way your in-laws behaved in the past, you should have communicated back then.  If you feel overwhelmed cooking people’s traditional dishes, ask them to help.  If you aren’t up to hosting, don’t invite people.  And finally, whether you like it or not, your in-laws are part of your family.  You need to learn how to do the things required to have a relationship.[/quote]

OP. Well, there will be a clean house and a full holiday meal, so I guess we are hosting.

I never said they weren’t a part of my family. I don’t think my family of origin is perfect and my husband’s isn’t. But yeah, when people complain but aren’t helpful, it’s not as easy to host them. We do stand up for ourselves in the moment, so it’s not like I’m capitulating to making 26 sides and then complaining about it. We have asked them to help, by the way—they don’t. They make excuses. I wouldn’t mind at all about doing everything if they weren’t rude about what they think we “should be” doing.

My husband’s late grandmother couldn’t help, but all she ever said was thank you and was a lovely guest. It’s not about needing help, it’s about disliking the ungrateful attitude. And no, at this point in the game, I don’t “need to do” any more to have a relationship with people who are ungrateful, immature and unhelpful. I will accept their presence in my home, I will serve them a meal, and the house will be clean. If they want more, they can go to a restaurant or a resort.[/quote]

If you spent half the amount of time that you spend complaining about them on this anonymous website  cooking and preparing a nice meal there wouldn’t be any problem at all. This is all on you and your attitude.[/quote]

It's fine to not be in the frame of mind for the usual hoopla.[/quote]

+1. Why is the PP acting like OP has cancelled last minute? She hasn’t; they are hosting, they just aren’t rolling out the red carpet as usual. I see no problem with ordering pizza the night before instead of cooking yet more.[/quote]

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