Reply to Family can't take a hint

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Family can't take a hint - Thanksgiving"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Most people assume you'll take off Wednesday and Friday. And that you'd want everyone to be with the baby. And you'd want to spend a holiday together. 
You may not agree with any of those assumptions, but that's where your family is coming from. [/quote]
I agree with this.  Those are not wild assumptions.  If OP can’t take any time off to spend time with them she should tell them right now (should have already told them when she said they should stay in a hotel).  [b]Either she’s very stressed out or she doesn’t like her family or it’s a combo of both.[/b]  [/quote]

OP here - ding ding ding, we have a winner! [b]And I hate conflict.[/b] So here we are. [/quote]

This isn't accurate. What you hate, as a woman, is not pleasing everyone. This is because society teaches women to be accommodating and people pleasers.

There's no conflict here. There can't be conflict when one party hasn't clearly stated their position. You never said "We are not hosting Thanksgiving this year. We will see you at Christmas." [/quote]

OP here again. You are misunderstanding me. When I say I hate conflict I mean I hate having to have unpleasant conversations that will most definitely result in hurting their feelings.

I don't know why you are all placing the blame on me when I've literally done nothing to bring this upon myself. DH and I were just planning to do our own thing all along. The blame lies squarely with them for imposing. I barely ever speak 1:1 with my sister and speak to my mom once or twice a month, so she cooked up this plan in her head all by herself, booked flights for everyone and then told me after the fact, betting I wouldn't have the guts to tell them to cancel, and they were right. [/quote]

OP you have two choices..

1. Reward your parents for booking things before asking and assuming you don’t have the guts to say no. You avoid the uncomfortable fit they throw when you say no but then you are going to have to deal with more uncomfortable conversations when you say no to piling everyone into your house, waiting on everyone, taking off work to be tour guide etc.

2. Say no now. They will have a fit but it’s over the phone. End the conversation and put it out of your head. You don’t need to own their bad behavior.

I understand that you are venting that your parents have bull dozed over you and are forcing you to either capitulate to all their wants or make it uncomfortable for you to give a hard no. Pushy people who invite themselves are the worst. They smell reluctance to uncomfortable conversations and prey on people pleasers. It always seemed rude to me to just say no as a complete sentence. I grew up where you would say no and make up a polite reason why you couldn’t do X. The other person would graciously accept and save face that they weren’t harshly rejected. Then I met my in laws where any reason for no becomes a personal challenge to address and bull doze into getting what they wanted. I have since learned that a sharp no and simply hanging up when the rage fit ensues is the only way to deal. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics