Reply to Is being a mom harder than you thought?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s definitely easier than I thought but I got pregnant by accident. Anecdotally, the friends I have who most desperately wanted to be moms and spent the most money to do it seem to hate it and complain the most. [/quote]

Were they older? Every single one of my friends who had babies at 37+ has struggled with parenthood. I think because they were more used to a DINK life? [/quote]
Most were mid thirties. It’s so wild to me to see the constant complaining when I know how much was spent to have these kids. The biggest complainer spent 40k each to adopt two kids. [/quote]

I don’t know about complaining but I do think that if you struggle to have kids, it makes all of parenting (especially the young ages where fertility/adoption stress is fresh) a lot more fraught.  If you got into something even somewhat by accident it can be easier to forgive yourself the learning curve and you will be more likely to have a less rosy expectation of motherhood since you spent way less time romanticizing it before you actually embarked on it.[/quote]

I agree. I went into it with a lot less expectation that it was going to be wonderful and magical than a woman who has been dreaming of motherhood her whole life. It’s def a different perspective. [/quote]

Absolutely agree. When you pour years of emotional energy, time, and effort into becoming a parent, it's impossible not to romanticize the idea. Then reality and hormones hit, like they do for everyone, and it can be really hard to reconcile the normal struggles with feeling like you should be grateful and appreciate every moment of the experience you worked so hard for.

OP, the first year of parenthood is hard. Babies are hard, the hormones and sleep deprivation is hard, and learning how to be a parent and seeing your life and relationship with your partner (if you have one) is hard. The physical and mental demands will ease as your baby gets older (i.e., past the toddler years), and you'll find your stride as a parent. We're in the elementary years now and it's so much less exhausting and so much fun, but it is really also painful to see them struggling emotionally and not be able to fix it. Mine was an easy baby, stubborn but happy small child, and a fabulous, confident, but emotionally sensitive bigger kid. Every year seems to get better than the last, and I'm excited to see her continue to grow. [/quote]

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