Reply to Knowledge of my dead parent's long-term affair is incredibly painful

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry you feel pain, OP.

However it's hard for me to relate to the degree of agonizing that goes on in certain posters' minds regarding cheating/affairs/APs. Some people don't believe in monogamy, and try to live lives that don't hurt others too much while still living something that is closer to their beliefs. Some people don't mind their partners' affairs too much, given the rest of the package deal, so to speak. There are so many things in life that can hurt a marriage - I would put physical abuse, financial duress and physical and mental health disorders on that list.

But my parent having a long-term affair? No, I wouldn't be bothered for a second. That's my parents' business, not mine. I will not judge or lose sleep over it.

[/quote]

Being lied to for years on end is certainly a huge trauma. [/quote]

For some people. Others process it in a healthier way. And a lot of people suspect, and choose to let it go. I agree with the poster saying that possibly the marriage was as good as it was because of the long-term off-side, not despite it.

[/quote]
That's a generalization that is not even true.

Both my FIL and my father cheated on their wives.  My mother now has dementia and is reliving what he did to her. It's awful watching her go through it because I was not even alive when it happened.  She had very few choices in her life.   A lot of the women in the older generations did not have means to divorce and be financially capable of taking care of themselves or their kids. They stuck around because they had few other choices.

I am not sure about my MIL, but I know that it completely devastated her. She had a double mastectomy and then he cheated.  I guess her not having an br3asts meant there was something lacking in her marriage.  He ended up with dementia, and he too started reliving his affair.  It was painful for her to relive that again.

So, you cheaters can make excuses to justify your cheating a$$ but there is always trauma and devastation you leave in your cheating.[/quote]

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