Reply to Getting over the fact that your parent-child relationship will never be more?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have accepted that my relationship with my mother will never be what I would have hoped for.  I am aiming to avoid emotional abuse and "detach" as much as I can while fulfilling my moral obligation as she and my father rapidly age.

I find myself feeling sorry for her - what would it be like to be 79 years old and have both your children unable to have a relationship with you?  For me, it would be my worst nightmare.  I know I need to take care of my own psyche at this point - she's done enough damage - but I can't shake these feelings of "letting her down."  Anyone else feel this way?[/quote]
OP here. Yes, I feel like I'm letting my parents down when I don't jump at the chance for a visit (either them coming to me or me going there). Or, more to the point, I feel like I'm letting down the idea of the parent-child relationship I want us to have, while knowing that my hesitation stems from the fact that the visit will be more of the same awkward silences and being-in-the-same-space-without-connecting that it has always been, and will leave me feeling unfulfilled and frustrated. They haven't done anything [i]wrong[/i] and so it feels wrong and selfish of me to pull back from them. But when I don't, I'm left so hurt and disappointed that we can't be more than this surface level relationship and that they don't seem to want to know me more deeply or to share more than a simple recounting of their day with me.[/quote]

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