Reply to SAHM: how much does spouse have to earn to make it work?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP many of us have been there, so know you are not alone.

First, that first year is brutal. The US is cruel that we don’t have longer maternity leave. But many of us would advise you not to make rash decisions. Unless you’re a nurse or teacher, it can be very difficult to re enter the same career, even after a couple years. It may be better to do a half ass job for a couple years and ride on the goodwill you generated pre kids, with the plan to change jobs for a fresh start once you’re more settled. Or to ask about PT or remote options. The pay may be barely break even for those more flexible jobs, but the upside is that when you’re ready to ramp up, you’re starting from a very different place than had you left the industry.

For me, I wouldn’t quit unless DH was making at least $700k. He makes that already (so do i) but we both keep working. Ours was never a goal of “what money do we need to pay the bills” but “what money do we need to ensure both of us have freedom to do the jobs we want and retire when we want”. I would never have been okay letting dh be in a job that adding only marginal savings to our retirement every year, knowing he’d have to do it for 45 years - if the alternative was I could materially contribute to retirement and we could both be retired by 50 or 55. Reality is that most women who decide to stay home do it both because they want to be with the kids but also because they don’t love working. Now imagine imposing that working on your spouse for the rest of their healthy lives. Just not cool with me.

Finally, I wouldn’t assume costs go down when you stay home. For typical UMC moms, they spend as much or more than the “work tax”. I worked very part time for two years after DS was born and hung out with the stay at home mom crew, and most days involved a mommy and me class and coffee, and there was a lot of time killing shopping (in person or online) because they had more time to worry about if baby had the right pair of arch supporting shoes, or tracking the fact that Janie and jack was having a sale, or just killing time at Target. [/quote]

$700K is not UMC.. that is upper class.  You are exhausting.[/quote]

Sure, 10 years ago. The economy has been bonkers for 5 years though, and especially in the upper 20%.  If you're measuring yourself relative to your peers (which is what UMC and UC are), $700k in a hcol city like DC is the equivalent of what $400-500k was 5 years ago. Which for a couple people in their 40s was not upper class then either. That's solidly UMC.  If you and your spouse are both feds, and you missed that gravy train - sucks for you. But don't act like a combined HHI of $700k in DC is rich compared to your peers.  [/quote]

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