Reply to kept something from my husband because of the stress he’s under but feel terrible

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Unpopular opinion, and here goes:
I would not keep a secret from my DH because I feel that this betrays the covenant we made when we vowed that two become one. Keeping a secret from him would feel like I’m compromising that vow.

We are clear about this with our children and I don’t think they would ever ask one of us to keep something from the other. But if they asked to tell me something on the condition that I not share it with DH, I would remind my child why I can’t hold to that condition.
I think the only time I would even fathom keeping a secret from my DH is if my child were accusing DH of something horrible [b]and [/b]feared retaliation.  
[/quote]

Bless your heart.  You've taken the whole 'two become one' thing a little too literal.  Or, more likely, you interpret it selectively.  When one of you goes out does the other?  Do you do all your shopping together?  If you get the norovirus do you make sure to pass it to your DH?  Do you share with your DH the details of how you helped your DD to use a tampon for the first time?  Did your DH share with you the conversation he had with your DS about cleaning up the evidence of his masturbation?  You are 'one' after all. Of course, you do make exceptions when there's "fear of retaliation".  :roll:

In our family, we value trust and support.  If one of our kids confides in one parent, we respect that choice.  We respect that it can be difficult to confide something personal to someone and want our kids to know their confidences are safe.  They also know that if someone's health, safety or welfare is involved we may have to disclose their confident but that we would do it in collaboration with them, not because of some misguided notion that confidences not shared between spouses is a betrayal.[/quote]

Wow this really hit a nerve with you, as your first paragraph reflects quite the Bitter Betty in you.
It seems you are somehow threatened that my relationship with my spouse does not perfectly mirror your own, and rather than just accept that it is okay for us not to have the same “take”—you thought the best approach was to attempt to dismantle and belittle. 
Well that makes me sad for you, but I hope that you will one day be secure enough to accept that it is okay for different people to have different viewpoints and practices within their own relationships without it impacting yours in any way. And then you won’t need to attack, insult, or be snide to others in order to make yourself feel good.
I wish you well.[/quote]

DP. Nope, you're just ridiculous. No one cares what your relationship is like but we can definitely think your stance is inane. [/quote]

And yet I’m completely comfortable that your practice differs from mine and that our hierarchy of values differs in that I choose to place the trust and covenant I have with my husband above keeping secrets from him. You are absolutely free to make a different choice and to judge my choices as “inane” or inferior to yours.

In OPs case, I don’t think the secret keeping is serving her son well OR serving the marital trust well if she chooses to honor her son’s insistence on not telling her DH. It’s a difficult spot to be in. And I don’t claim that my position is superior to yours.
I am contented though that our deliberate choice to not keep secrets eliminates this particular stress from our marriage relationship that I will not need to carry a burden alone and vice versa. (There are other stressors for sure—but this is just one we don’t have)[/quote]

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