Reply to kept something from my husband because of the stress he’s under but feel terrible

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[quote=Anonymous]Well, op, keeping secrets didn’t work so well with Alexander Hamilton “Philip, your mother can’t take another heart break” Everybody remember that line? Eliza was far stronger then her husband realized, and I tend to think that had she known about the duel, neither one would have happened. She’d not have advised it because she knew it was a bad idea and both Alexander and Phillip knew it.  Think about if your husband would really be that devastated or if he’d really just be upset at how you handled a situation aside from the secrecy which would in some cases make me seriously think about if I wanted to remain married. There’s absolutely nothing my kids can have happen or do that will devastate me.  Upset me yes, make me angry yes, devastate me, no. Think too if there might be information your son doesn’t want you or his dad to know and if you are the easier parent to snow. I remember when one of our kids insisted she returned a book at the public library. Never mind that she can’t get to the library on her own, never mind that she insisted she returned the book after school. My husband believed it until I pointed out “The bus didn’t swing by the library on the way home from school and say “anybody with books, drop them off, the library is tired of all you guys not returning what you check out”. I can’t remember if we ever found the book, I do know for sure my kid didn’t return it the way she told me she had. If you are the more gullible parent, or you are with your son, think about that too. It’s very likely there’s more to the story.   I’ve also found that with secret keeping, it’s more about control then it is about the secret. “I know something, I told you, but I will get mad if you tell anybody else, and I don’t care if it divides a marriage, makes someone cry, the focus becomes on being told or not told not on what actually happened. Think about that too, op, it’s a great way for your son to shift away from what happened, something I’d not be sanctioning. Also, kids do need to know that some secrets aren’t keepable, if you go to the doctor and say “My dog jumped on me and broke my nose” and they accept it, and you feel really comfortable after the exam and say “No, I mean, my boyfriend hit me” that secret won’t be kept, confidentially no longer applies. Also, why the f is your husband under so much stress? He needs to get it together or get some counseling. [/quote]

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