Reply to WWYD? Being asked NOT to bring a new spouse and children

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[quote=Anonymous]Invite everyone and let the adult kids figure themselves out.

My parents are divorced and both are re-coupled.  We were pretty mean to the new partners who came on the scene about 5 years later.  I was 18/19/20 age range during that time.  I didn't want MORE parents involved in the mess, and having someone new always hanging around when I just wanted to see my mom or dad.  Thankfully, my parents got it and would balance time with just us, and then time with the new partners/new step-siblings.  It took awhile to find a good balance.  What we had going for us was that while we might have had some feelings about it, we all wanted to make it work.  Those first few holidays that involved weirdo step-siblings were annoying to me.  But I would spend time with my mom or dad outside of that, so I learned to deal.

In the long run it made me more flexible about what I wanted out of the holidays.  Now I don't blink an eye when some wayward family member of some step-person shows up.  I do know how to avoid sitting next to them at a big table though :).

I don't know what your brother has done to try to fix this, but he needs to work on it.  #1: spending lots of time with his kids WITHOUT the new family.  And then slowly adding in time with the new family, at non-holiday/important times.  Allow lots of grace, lots of room, and tell him to apply lots of love, while not being a complete doormat.  Step-mom needs to calm down and stop sending kissing b*tt to try to win them over.  See them as young adults, not your children.[/quote]

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