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[quote=Anonymous]Ugh, OP I feel your loss. I had kids at 38 and 40 so my parents (and spouses parents) were already older, but still in good shape in their early 70s. My dad and stepmom (she is younger) were retired but chose instead to spend all their time traveling, or buying houses, or whatever. We were invited to travel to see them once a year (we would fly with baby and toddler, bring our crap to a hotel, etc) but that's it. Maybe if they has a stopover near us they would stay, but often not.  It never occurred to them to spend even a single night with the kids, or invite us on any of their trips (even cruises to alaska etc), or just come to visit us and hang with the kids and us.  Now my dad is dying and my kids barely know him. Then send cards for birthdays but there's no real relationship to speak of, and I feel grief for my kids. I have tried, but my stepmother manages all my father's relationships and she does not want us to intrude on their life.

My mom loves to be around the kids, but she lived across the country. Recently I moved my mom to assisted living closer to us but with alzheimers she is really limited in how much she can engage. Of all of the grandparents she was the closest but not super close. My spouse's parents were 1) mentally ill and recluse and 2) wheelchair bound  now lives near us so we do see her, but she pretty much lives in the past.

Its also history repeating itself. I had no close relationship with grandparents when I was growing up. 2 were already dead, one died when I was 4 and the other died when I was 12 but he also lived across the country.  I feel terrible that I may also be old when my kids have kids and wont be able to be as active as I'd like. Mostly I dont want to be a burden to them. [/quote]

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