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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Seems there's a rise of grandparents who really don't want to take care of little kids, even just for a weekend.[/b] At least this is what I'm seeing a lot in my various circles. They're more tired and less tolerant than what I remember grandparents being like when I was a kid.

Do you think they want to more fully check out, or at least give themselves a simpler reason to not be involved?[/quote]
[b]It’s not their role to take care of little kids. That’s the role of parents. [/b]

And of course this generation of grandparents are more tired. Retirement ages have pushed back significantly. Gone are the days of retirement pay starting between 50-55. And when their kids don’t start having kids until they are late 30s, grandparents are much older too. [/quote]

Disagree. [b]I actually have read articles where scientists hypothesize that menopause is so that human women have time to focus on their grandchildren and helping them (ensuring that their family line goes on) instead of continuing to have children.[/b] Most mammals don't have menopause.

It might not be the role of grandparents now to take care of grandkids, but don't pretend that wasn't their role for centuries. Not to 100% babysit grandkids, but to assist and help while the moms did the major chores and had babies.

I've seen a lot of grandparents arrive right after a new grandchild's birth, take lots of photos, expect for the new mom and dad to cook for them and host them in their guest room, entertain them, and then they leave. [/quote]

I have actually read articles about the reduction in "caring hormones" in women at menopause and how women are less inclined to care for others after spending decades doing so as a result of that reduction.[/quote]

I would love a side thread on this.  Either way it lands would be fascinating.[/quote]

https://www.marieclaire.co.uk/life/health-fitness/the-menopause-advice-jennifer-nadel-715355

[i]Just as puberty ushers in a new stage of life, so does the menopause. It’s when we as women can step into our full power. We are no longer weighed down by periods and the possibility of pregnancy. The hormones that have made us impeccable carers have begun to disappear and we find ourselves better able to detach from those we love and to break out of any co-dependent traps.

I went from smother-mother to slob-mum at lightning speed. Instead of hovering over my three sons’ feelings and actions I became laissez-faire. ‘It’s their lives, I’m sure they’ll sort it out’ replaced ‘let me do it for you’.

That cauldron of rage that boiled over in my failing marriage became the furnace for alchemic change. What did I want to do with the time I had left? What were the things that mattered most to me? Who did I really want to be with? Or more basic still, ‘who was I really’? After all those years of working, caring and achieving it became time to step back and take stock.

We all know about the male mid-life crisis, but how many know that in fact more women leave their partners in their fifties than vice versa? I’ve had girlfriends walk out on seemingly happy twenty-year marriages for younger men or female lovers. Free from the choke-grip of our caring hormones a whole wealth of opportunities opens up.[/i]

https://www.menopause.org/docs/default-document-library/careberg.pdf?sfvrsn=2

https://www.avogel.co.uk/health/menopause/videos/can-menopause-cause-emotional-detachment/#:~:text=Sometimes%2C%20it's%20a%20fact%20%2D%20you,with%20daily%20life%20can%20decrease.

[i]Why does menopause cause emotional detachment?
So, let's take a look at a few ways in which menopause can cause you to feel emotionally detached:

Oxytocin levels - one of the things that is thought to cause emotional detachment is the decrease of a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin is called your love hormone. You're flooded with it when you give birth so that you will fall in love with your baby. When you start a relationship and you fall in love, there is oodles of oxytocin swimming around your system.

There does seem to be a link, however, between the level of oestrogen and the level of oxytocin. As your oestrogen starts to fall in perimenopause and in menopause, the levels of oxytocin can decrease. This just makes it more difficult to form or continue with the relationships you have because that love hormone just isn't there or there's very little of it.

Stress and fatigue - at this time, most people are stressed and fatigued. Sometimes, it's a fact - you just can't be bothered with other people because you're too tired and all you want to do is sleep or rest.

Emotional defence mechanism - during menopause, there are all these changes going on, and sometimes, your ability to cope with daily life can decrease. And because of all the hormonal changes  going on, it make certain areas of your life seem more difficult. Work might be more challenging. Relationships that are maybe a little bit difficult to start with seem more challenging and much more difficult to cope with.

Your body creates this defence mechanism by shutting you off from everything so that you don't actually feel any of these extra emotions that you may have had to deal with.[/i]

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