Reply to Telling donor conceived kids about half siblings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Hey, it’s me, the egg donor reject. I don’t think you’re being harsh at all. I think you’re being naive and Pollyannaesque about the many probable negative consequences of seeking out strangers who share your DNA. Donor conceived children have every right to be interested in their backgrounds, that doesn’t mean locating half-siblings or donors is going to go well.

Tell the truth: imagine that out of the blue you were contacted by some complete stranger who, based on his or her research, believed that you had the same biological father. Meanwhile, your parents have been happily married for many years and you had no idea about dad’s indiscretions/donations. Would you jump to get to know this person? Or would it open up a can of worms? Or put up your spidey senses? I suspect that most people would be shocked and wary and very unlikely to start a warm familial relationship under such circumstances.

But let’s assume you both know you’re donor offspring. How do you know that your biological half sibling isn’t a sociopath/addict/thief trying to take advantage of you? It could start off with “brother, boy do we have so much in common” and turn into “hey, I’m in trouble could you lend me $500?”

Or it could be less dramatic and you meet, hit it off and then suddenly new found sibling ghosts you for whatever reason.

My position isn’t that donor kids are wrong to be curious and or interested about biologically related strangers out there in the world, but rather that they should be prepared for some serious letdowns. It’s highly unlikely to be rainbows and unicorns.

Do some research and look into the eventual outcomes of situations where people have found their biological relatives. After the initial high of “isn’t this exciting!” and “we both like Broadway and camping! omg, you also ran track in college! i finally feel complete!” it almost always ends very badly with deeply hurt feelings.

Of course, people are free to go down that rabbit hole. My only point is to proceed with caution. I, personally, would let sleeping dogs lie.[/quote]

I think it's a real blessing that you were a donor egg reject. You clearly do not have a sensitive bone in your body, and would not be able to handle being contacted by your DNA offspring.[/quote]

I blatantly said that I would refuse to have any contact with any donor offspring. Most people who chose to be anonymous donors feel that way. If they wanted contact with future offspring they wouldn’t have chosen to be anonymous. I’m not being insensitive. I’m being realistic. Go ahead and seek out some former college kid who masturbated into a cup twenty years ago before DNA registrations became a thing. See the luck you’ll have with establishing a relationship. Keep it up Pollyanna.[/quote]

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