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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So normally my suggestion would be just no…but you’ve caved before when they escalate and they have booked tickets without telling you in the past. I’d suggest lying and telling them you are all going on a vacation instead, already booked no debate and just laugh if they ask you to send anything in writing. Be clear that if they show up on their own, no one will be home. You can even book a hotel room ..just make sure it has a no penalty cancellation.

You don’t have to craft an elaborate lie about the vacation. Just say one of you got sick or a work emergency came up and you cancelled last minute. Do this at the very last minute so they don’t hop on the next plane. Hopefully be clearly not being available they will make other plans, maybe visit one of their other kids or settle in to staying home.

Afterwards you and your husband can decide what you want to do. You can alternate or decide no hosting during Christmas. You’ve broken the cycle and it’s easier to then be firm on no. [/quote]

OP seems already to have made some decisions but I'm a DP and addressing the post above, generally:

Just--no.

People should not lie like PP is advocating. It just has SO much potential for creating far worse problems if, maybe when, the in-laws discover there was no trip booked and everyone was at home or close to home.

Don't invent a trip, work emergency, illness, blah blah. Say the no, let them tantrum out of your hearing (because you're no longer on that phone call -- deliver the no and get out of the conversation).

PP, you seem to imply that because OP and DH set a precedent by caving to the in-laws previously, they now should reset expectations by breaking the visit pattern with a lie. Yes, it's time to break the pattern, but lying is a terrible way to do it.

They will have to keep perpetuating the lie and it won't be a one-and-done thing. They'll be grilled: 
"Susie said she was sick! How is she? We could come take care of her and give you a break!" 
"If your boss wants you to work over the holiday week, that is just awful and we're so concerned and have you thought of changing jobs!" 
Worst of all: "We heard from Bob's cousin's nephew that he SAW you at the Christmas festival in your town but you said you'd be in [Wherever]!"

Just not worth it. Lies beget more lies, and liars get caught. Functioning adults should not lie just to keep peace with manipulative people.

[i]No one should twist themselves into a pretzel to create an easy, soft letdown[/i] for people who demand things of them and pull stunts like booking tickets without consultation. [/quote]

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