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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here--thanks for the input, all. (And I do enjoy being called both nasty and a doormat, lol.)

DH definitely is the messenger on all of this, though we discuss together before he engages. I think the real issue is that we've run out of productive ideas and know it's really in my ILs hands of how they want to deal with our preferences/requests. I'm

That said, I really like the "12 days of Christmas" frame! I admit having my kids wake up at home on Christmas morning is important to us, but I wonder if we could simply offer to fly to see them on the 26th or whatever for a few days before NYE. Seems like a simple solution that I should have thought of by now. Thanks![/quote]

You are definitely not nasty, OP. But your DH has definitely given way too much control to his parents. Time for the two of you to align on what works for your family and stick with it. Your ILs have learned that a no from your DH is not really a no. They might put up a fuss at first but if you hold tight to your plans, they will get over it and learn how to make plans that work for everyone vs their way being the only way. [/quote]

Just be aware that people like this will blame you and try to drive a wedge between your husband and yourself if you do this.[/quote]

DP. That is exactly why the DH, and not OP/DIL, should handle all communications with his parents about any holiday plans (or no holiday plans). Every time. And he should be sure to tell them clearly, repeatedly if necessary, "This is both me and DW saying this." [/quote]

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