Reply to Raising a Jewish kid with one Jewish/one atheist parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the non-Jew in this scenario and the mom! It’s not been hard at all. We do holidays, talk about being Jewish and family history, and are preparing for the bar mitzvah. We still do Christmas to the hilt but that seems to make no difference for my kid’s Jewish identity [/quote]

Lol it sure is easy when nothing matters! I bet this PP loves to make a #HappyEastover Instagram post and is excited for the college fund contributions at the bar mitzvah.[/quote]

so let me get this straight … you would have thought it better that my kid had no Jewish identity, vs having a non-Jewish parent who puts a lot of effort into it but also does (secular) Christmas? [/quote]

I was responding to the tone of your post. OP is struggling with passing on their cultural heritage to their child in a mixed family. You are not of that heritage, but jump in with "oh it's easy! We just celebrated all the holidays and everyone is happy!"

OP is talking about something deeper than that, but since you aren't Jewish and I guess view your husband's and kid's Judaism as a fun excuse to have a party, you don't get that.

If you'd written a more thoughtful post about how you and your spouse have spoken with your child about their Jewishness, and specifically what kind of COMMUNITY you have provided around their Jewishness, people would not have responded as negatively. You sound unserious and so does your approach to religion and culture.[/quote]

The person who was responding most negatively was apparently not even Jewish, and other posters people think my kid will never be Jewish anyway due to my gender. I think other people probably have more good faith to understand what I meant. And FWIW “fun excuse to have a party” is a big way that you create a religious identity. The word “party” is a little flip here (and one I never used BTW) - but communal events involving food are basically the backbone of religious celebrations that give children idenities.

When I started on my “journey” of raising a Jewish kid as an atheist ex-Catholic I didn’t really have any plan. My point to OP was that it ended up being not hard at all to create a Jewish child. I’m struggling to see how that offended anyone other than people looking to be offended for various reasons.

I get that the Christmas thing can be a trigger but my point in mentioning it is that my experience is that you don’t have to fear that allowing any non-Jewish elements into your household will mean your child doesn’t feel Jewish. I get that some people don’t want it at all, which is totally fine and understandable. in my case, the Jewish side of the family always celebrated Christmas and would have thought I was nuts (and probably a little supercilious) to prohibit it. I imagine that a lot of interfaith families have to negotiate the Christmas thing and my only point is that given everything else we do, celebrating Christmas has not confused my child about being Jewish at all, if that is a concern. [/quote]

Look, I am the PP you are currently responding to, I AM Jewish, and I never said anything about your kid not being Jewish because of matrilineage. I'm reform, I don't care about that.

I AS A JEW found your initial comment and all of your responses extremely flippant and obnoxious. Religion is not about parties, and while food and coming together is important, there are a number of Jewish traditions that are much more somber than that and it's not just Jewish cosplay with some latkes.

You married into a Jewish family that celebrated Christmas and always has. Let's start there. This is not a universal experience.

I think your experience is "easy" because neither you nor your spouse is particularly religious, your spouse and his family don't have any real concerns about embracing aspects of Christian culture (this is not typical even among reform families) and therefore you haven't had to do any work.

But let me ask you this. You waltzed into this thread about raising a Jewish child in a mixed family, asserted it's easy and that your Jewish family lives Christmas, but have also been extremely defensive and are calling everyone ELSE rude for not congratulating you on figuring out how to do it.

Maybe do some introspection here and consider that just because you married a Jewish guy, you might not have it all figured out and maybe have less to contribute to a conversation about passing on Jewish culture than others do. You just sound incredibly entitled and flip. Which, by the way, isn't very Jewish.[/quote]

wow ok, thanks. you seem motivated by something other than the honest input of how a family with non-Jewish parent can significantly contribute to the Jewish upbringing of their child. the “Jewish cosplay” think was a bit much. I’m sorry you’re mad that I didn’t find it difficult. I suspect that what you actually believe is that my child is not Jewish because I am not and because we do Christmas. I am saddened by this but I guess OP should take it as one piece of information. [/quote]

Your an "atheist" who does Christmas to the hilt. You married a Jewish man who loves Christmas. You believe celebrating a few of the fun Jewish holidays (I'm guessing you don't do Yom Kippur "to the hilt") and telling your kid "you're Jewish! Your grandparents were also Jewish!) is good enough.

Cosplay is apt.[/quote]

Again, I’m glad my actual family & community is more accepting than you are. Seriously what are you getting out of harassing me?[/quote]

It is more than one poster “harassing” you.

OP is a Jew seeking advice from other Jews on how to raise a good Jew in a mixed family while respecting the non-Jew.  You are the non-Jew.  You’re not the one anyone wants to hear from.  Simply stunning that you can’t understand that. [/quote]

Simply stunning that you think you are doing anything to further the cause of interfaith families and “respecting the non-Jew.” 
[/quote]

Again, I am NOT a Jew.  I’m simply self-aware enough to know that I’m not the one OP wants to hear from.  [/quote]

Well that’s for OP to say. OP literally asked how to raise a Jewish child while respecting her non-Jewish spouse’s identity. I think my response as the non-Jewish spouse (with an identical background, atheist ex-Catholic) was germane. The point being that I have never found it inconvenient or felt disrespected at all aside from some initial tension over circumcision. The most disrespect I’ve gotten is here, right now, with the implication that the things I do are “cosplay” and that my DH himself is apparently not Jewish enough because he likes Christmas. If the endgame here is fewer Jews as more Jews intermarry, great job. But like I said, I have never experienced in person the attacks I am getting here. [/quote]

No one is attacking you. You said something that was dismissive and rude to Jewish people, and when you were rightly criticized for it, you dug in and yelled at everyone. No one here is suggesting that Jews not intermarry.

Your defensiveness about the "cosplay" accusation is telling. Ask yourself why it bothers you so much.[/quote]

I’m Jewish and didn’t find anything she wrote dismissive or rude. You don’t speak for all Jews and frankly your vitriol is making you look bad. I’d say you’re making Jews look bad, but again, one person’s actions or beliefs do not define the whole group.[/quote]

Again, it’s not just Jews who found her dismissive . . . [/quote]

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