Reply to Family annoyance - passive aggressive "niceness"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, thanks to those of you who seem to get it.

It isn't passive aggressive all the time, though sometimes it is.

It is repressed, and muted, and there is never a genuine expression of emotion. Just careful control to not have a feeling, or a want, and never to express a feeling, or a want.

Like politeness that left me constantly guessing if I was ever doing the right thing as a child, and guised politeness when I started dating an abusive alcoholic -- my family could never say anything "bad" about anyone or anything no matter how awful something might be.

So everything is pretend, and wanting what's best, and when my ex was arrested for assaulting me and my kids, it was silence.

And sometimes it's just tiring to be left trying to guess even though as an adult I have my own circle, the little ways their patterns play out exhaust me sometimes, and annoy me that this really is just how it is with them. Mostly though it's my brother repeating all of the patterns that I find hardest.

It just makes things not feel real. Like it's all just for show. Like literally my mother said a few months ago that she had never ever in her life started an argument. (Because that is not "nice")[/quote]

Thanks for the background, OP. I honestly struggled to understand why you were so bothered by the situations you mentioned (particularly re: your brother and the breakfast-that came across as he and his wife not wanting you to feel stressed out) but now I get why you were triggered.[/quote]

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