Reply to Post nup after wife starts earning more

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Married 9 years. I’m the wife, and and now making 3X DH’s salary. He is not money motivated (scientist), and I feel alone in my by goals to work hard to build wealth.

I would like to match his salary in a joint account for our living expenses and keep the rest for myself. He says he is not opposed to this. Has anyone ever done anything like this?  Is it very unreasonable of me to feel this way?

I’m hoping this can assuage my resentment. If I could go back I would marry someone with better aligned values, but I can’t go back in time. Marriage is otherwise decent.

We have a child with another on the way so I don’t want to frivolously divorce.

[/quote]

Every successful marriage I see, they have joint finances. Its "our money", not "my money" or "your money", no matter if both earn equally or theirs is a disparity. If you are into money, manage it yourself but no need to divide it. There is more to life than money.[/quote]

I’d go even a bit further on this. I’m the scientist in our marriage and yes, it doesn’t pay as much as you can make in a for-profit, money/law/sales kind of job and it never can. But I work hard at it and we consider all our money as “ours” since we’re both contributing to the extent we are able. When you suggest keeping a separate account for “your” money, you’re saying that you don’t think he’s contributing equally. It’s not about how much money, it’s about recognizing the value of his time and effort. OP, you clearly don’t believe what your DH is contributing is a match for what you’re contributing. If you can measure that only in $ and not in time or work-life satisfaction, then that’s fine but you’ll have to recognize that you will either always be disappointed in him or you’ll feel compelled to divorce. You’re correct that this is about a values mismatch, but is it that he’s changed or that your values or only measured in cash?[/quote]

Sounds like I struck a nerve. Good. [/quote]

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