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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. He’s still p!ssed and is continuing to talk about “when we move.” Almost like our conversation earlier today did not occur. I guess I just need to move forward on my own because he is determined for us to move. It’s not for a job opportunity for him. He’s semi retired and will continue to be so in Florida. He’s always wanted to live there. We’ve gone several times to look at areas to live and I always feel depressed— I don’t see anything I like in our budget. I’ve lived in DMV all my life and it’s really hard to go. He says “nothing about our life will change” because I will continue working from home and then going to the gym after work. I think everything will change. I don’t want to do this.[/quote]

Look, if he wants to retire, fine... he can sell the house, take his half of the equity and move there.

Would he consider getting a small place down there and living apart for several months of the year?

It seems to be that [b]he is removing you from any form of support system[/b]. You have lived in DMV your while life and have relatives nearby. And in Florida you will only have him. He just sees you as an automaton to serve him, so nothing will change, because you will still work from home and earn money, and go to the gym to keep in shape! And they have grocery stores there, and you can clean those house! But he's not worried about you having to leave your relatives, friends, doctors, hobbies...!

[/quote]

Listen to this PP! Trying to keep a spouse away from support systems, friends, family is a red flag, OP. It can be due to simply being oblivious about how much those things help you or it can be due to intentional and insidious desire to isolate you so you have to focus solely on him. Either way, it's bad for YOU but not for him--not at all. Maybe he just doesn't "get" that you find Florida a place alien to you and you don't see what HE finds so great there, and maybe he would understand if you told him frankly (have you tried that, though, and he doesn't hear you?). But if you think he'll just steamroll you over any objections you make--you know what to do, right, OP? Basically anything where you do not move, whether that's him going on his own while you stay married, or divorcing and going separate ways etc.

OP, isn't it disturbing to you that your own DH [i]believes your entire life consists of working and going to the gym[/i]? There's more to you  than that but he only sees those things as defining you. That in itself is a serious marital problem, to me.

Sit down and picture your life day to day if he were not in it at all. What would change? What could you choose to change if he weren't around? What would you miss? (We dont know the good parts of the marriage and you do.) I'd do some serious weighing of your life with him here and now; your life with him if you move with him and away from your friends etc. here; and your life if you split up and you are living here in the DMV solo. Write down pros and cons of each. I would stop the move talk completely and get into individual therapy as fast as you can (but it can be tough to find a therapist who has slots these days, so start ASAP searching for one).

If DH refuses to give you--the person he supposedly loves most in the world, right??-- room to [i]think[/i] about things, that's another sign he's all about himself and about forcing you into the mold he wants.[/quote]

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