Reply to Coming to terms with the fact I may never get married

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My friend divorced at 37 and met a wonderful man at 38 and married at 39. It is not too late.

You may need to lower your standards.[/quote]

Please do not lower your standards, assuming they are realistic.  Never a good idea to get married and to accept less than what feels good.  [/quote]
dp.. "Lower standards" might mean different things to different people.

Do you really need for him to have  a great body? A full head of hair?  The right color eyes or hair?  I know women who have these kinds of standards, and it's why they have such a tough time finding men to marry.  Yes,  you need to feel some kind of attraction to him, but if you need all these superficial things to want to have sex with him, then you are going to have a tough time finding that whole package: looks, finances, personality, and generally just got his sh1t together.  There just aren't that many men out there that's "high value" like this.

DH has a good personality, got his sh1t together, is ok attractive.  He has not a great body; never has, and he's not super manly.  He may not be my fantasy man, but, he's been a good husband and father.

I dated guys who were better looking, better shape, better in bed.. but they would not have made me a good partner.[/quote]

Just because you maintain your high standards and marry a man who meets them doesn't mean that you'll get to keep him. If he's handsome and prosperous, he'll have plenty of opportunities to move on. Unless he messes up and you find out about the affair before he files, he'll also be able to time when he moves on to protect his resources from you. It's on you to keep your body up, to please him and to look good. You need to make his personal life easy because his job is so prominent and so attractive to hot women checking off their requirements on the list.

Yes, of course he's not necessarily going to be in as good shape at 55 or 60 as he was at 35 or 40. But he'll be much wealthier, much more gentlemanly, and the kids will be much older and less demanding on a stepmother. Actually, at a certain point your kids will be old enough to understand why he traded up for a hotter, younger woman. They'll understand the concept of market value that a preschooler or third-grader or 8th-grade simply can't comprehend with their limited worldview. At a certain point he might even be able to hook up his kid with AP's friends or their sibling's friends  :D .

So do your part. Think about whether you're up to the chase for someone high-quality.[url=https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/love-sex/divorce-attorney-reveals-the-professions-most-and-least-likely-to-cheat/ar-AA1gwfhC?ocid=entnewsntp&cvid=8ef42651fe1f4afba7dc09e9b75d2e72&ei=225] Because high-quality men have more opportunities to move on[/url] (I don't like the word "cheat" because they're not moving on from who they married). Do whatever you can to keep yourself at the level that caught your high-quality man, so that he doesn't move on.[/quote]

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