Reply to I’m on the autism spectrum. How I wish people could have helped me socially

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[quote=Anonymous]NP. Likely with some ASD traits myself, although never diagnosed.

[quote=Anonymous]OP, one of my closest friends is an adult with mild autism who I met when I was in my mid-20s and she was in her early 40s. She had done a lot of work to understand her own experiences and behavior, and also was an expert and very funny explainer of the rules NT were following that she could not readily apprehend without having them explained.

It is one of the relationships in which I have learned and grown the most in my life, and I’m sorry people here are coming at you with this “what do you bring to the friendship/you’re asking too much” biz.

(Yes, inclusivity in private life is a benefit both to the person included and to the person doing the including! What a bizarre question that was in an earlier post.)[/quote]

I'm including this post for context. I want to point out that you have described this friend as "very funny" as well as an "expert ... explainer." These are both things she brought to the relationship and improved your life. Humor brings energy and ease to a social interaction, and you found you learned and grew from her. This isn't a counterexample to the post below -- in fact, it just reiterates the point. I don't think you understand that.

[quote]PP, I hope you realize that in your comment, you directly addressed one of the questions that’s come up a lot. You’ve described your friend as “very funny” and the relationship as one that has helped you grow.   I think most here are trying to be both kind and direct in responding to the OP — by suggesting ways that she can get her needs met AND by encouraging her to be consciously aware of why other people might want to go out of their way to make an effort to do this with her.

[b]IMO, pointing out these things — that she may or may not already be aware of — is a direct response to her request for help and feedback.[/b] [/quote]

Agreed. PP, you are very firmly stepping in the way of what OP is trying to do here. This is the feedback she has asked for, and you are trying to deflect, mute, or hide it.

People with autism (and again, I consider myself in this group) have a lot on their plates, and they are dealt a hand of cards that were not asked for at birth. And still -- absolutely still -- nobody owes it to be friends with them, or owes it to them to be a teacher or interpreter. It's nice when it happens, and it should happen (and often does) in the context where there is clearly an exchange between equals. Nobody is there just to be taken pity on.

People with autism can be funny, kind, very good at their jobs, supportive friends, all of that -- sometimes, in the right context, and when they have a sense of self-worth that allows you to withstand some negative feedback and sit with the insight that comes from it. So, as was said, when you bring something to the table, too.[/quote]

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