Reply to Husband wants to move out of DMV but my job is here

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do not leave this area if you think divorce is a possibility. For exactly the reason you stated.

I’m the stuck spouse in this scenario but I’m not thinking of divorce. I’ve just made my sad peace with my dated 1992 colonial on a postage stamp lot surrounded by hyper competitive people. I’ve basically become a hermit.[/quote]

I wish we could have a club pp! I'm also the stuck spouse, except in a 1970s fixer upper we bought to have a 1/2 an acre.

Therapy has helped. We also lived in a rural area for about five years, which was great in many ways but also has some real downsides (subpar healthcare, dislike of "outsiders," limited career options, school funding isn't as important in some areas, etc.)

I remind myself of these things and the good things about DC metro living (available healthcare, museums, organic food, etc) every time I force myself out of my own hermit house to live among the hyper competitive.

Maybe you and dh need to talk about what he wants from living in a rural area, and see how much of that could be done here. Rural life is not all bliss and there are some definite downsides.

It's why we bought a house with as much land in the DC area as we could afford, in a place without an HOA, for example. [/quote]

I'm a third stuck spouse (2 bedroom condo in a neighborhood with terrible schools, so we dedicate tons of energy to taking our kid to schools elsewhere in the city) and I would love a club.

Agree the key is to find the least miserable situation for the non-stuck spouse that is still in this area so the happy spouse can stay in their good job.

Current plan for us is to move within the area since we are stuck here for DH's job, but to rent. We'll sell our condo (realizing that might take more than a minute since condos move slower). You can actually find decent deals on rent right now, especially if you are looking in the burbs, so we should also be able to save more aggressively than we are right now.

Hopefully the suburbs relieve some of my misery, plus this plan will allow us to build up a good amount of cash on hand to give us maximum flexibility if the suburbs don't work or if we decide we need to be closer in or further out (or I don't know, back in the city, it's impossible for me to imagine that but I need to leave the option open). I do think a good part of my misery is due to the condo and having outgrown it but not having bought something else before both prices and rates went up. So maybe just getting out of the condo will help me like this area more, we'll see.

I think our situation is a bit easier than OP's because I'm not married to the idea that I will ONLY be happy if I'm in a rural place. What I know is that I am very much not happy now, that the school situation sucks in the district, and that feeling totally immobilized by DH's job is making both of those things feel even worse. So I'm hoping a smaller change that addresses the condo issue and the school issue might loosen things up enough that it will be easier to find a solution. It's harder when all your money is tied up in a home you don't want to be in.[/quote]

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