Reply to S/o how to ensure I’m not a burden on my kids as I age

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "S/o how to ensure I’m not a burden on my kids as I age"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Such a universal concern and experience, and such wonderful advice and shared pain here.

I have shepherded my parents through their decline and difficult deaths now and have added to my intentions a couple of things based on what they did (or didn't do):

- setting up as much as possible in advance, clearing our your junk, having your affairs in order (as so well articulated elsewhere here) is a MASSIVE gift to whomever will be closing out the details of your life. Streamline your accounts, put someone you trust on a joint checking account so they can pay bills with your money, etc...
- be explicit w/ your children (or appropriate people) about your wishes so they feel ok about making life-sustaining or limiting decisions if necessary. Have your DNR or MOLST (medical orders for life sustaining treatment) paperwork signed, current, copied to all relevant people, and posted on your refrigerator.
- let your kids know - while you are well, sane, fully in your faculties - that you have had a wonderful life. That you do not want to be a burden to them. That it is ok to prioritize their kids' needs over their parent's needs, etc...

I came from a very dysfunctional and abusive household, but I have an enduring and incredibly powerful memory with my father that was a huge gift. About 18 months before he died, when he was in a nursing home and both he and my mother had just weathered incredibly scary medical issues which I had managed, he said: "I want to say something to you. You have my full and total support for any decisions you need to make, at any time, about anything. I want you to know that I trust your judgment and I support any decision you make."

We weren't having a serious conversation, he didn't put it into context, but he very much intended it as a serious, blanket statement.

It was of such profound comfort to me when I had to make so many difficult choices in following years. It was a touchstone for me that I will never forget.

So I intend to give that same gift to my kids (once I can say it truthfully - ha ha ha) and will do that in conversation and in writing. I want to let them off the hook of guilt and doubt in advance.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics