Reply to My child's "love language" is "physical touch," and mine is not. Suggestions?

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Reply to "My child's "love language" is "physical touch," and mine is not. Suggestions? "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, 
We have varying degrees of inherent touchy-feely-ness in our family, and I do think that it's normal to get sick of giving out something that isn't natural to you ALL DAY.  That said, if you are feeling some degree of distaste for her touch even at times when you are refreshed and rested, then I would seek therapy to explore your end of all this.

Some things that help in our family:  
1) Preemptive snuggling.  We have touch built into ritual parts of our day:  We wake up and snuggle for a few minutes, we have a special big goodbye hug at parting.  We have a BIG squeeze and two big kisses at pick-up.  We hold hands and pray before dinner.  We have a last long cuddle during books before bed.

2) We talk a lot about how everyone needs different things, and give everyone some breaks when they ask for it.  We typically turn on some music and take a break from the activity (talking, touching, etc.) for one song.

3) I truly do buy into the love language theory, and while everyone needs all forms of love to some degree, for many kids, there is one expression of love that speaks to them more than others.  So for us, the child who most needs touch, we are really, really careful about how we touch them.  We feel strongly that angry or unkind touching is more hurtful to this child, so we are very careful to "scold with words, praise with touch."[/quote]

This is great advice.  I like the pre-emptive snuggling idea.

I also disagree with prior posters that think all children are this touchy. Simply not the case.  I am a very touchy person with my loved ones and my DS (23 months) absolutely is not. He will sit on my lap to read stories and is definitely more clingy in certain new situations or when lots of people are around, but somewhere with gaining toddler independence he really lost interest in some cuddliness. I have to sneak in snuggles when picking him up to carry him down the stairs at times or to put him in the car!  At night after reading books he is so excited to get into the crib that he just points to the crib and says "bed bed bed" -- no need to cuddle in mom's arms.  And he really does not like it when other people aside me and my husband, and his trusted daycare teachers or babysitters, try to pick him up etc.  This is not to say that he is never touching us -- he loves playing a game where he runs from one part to another and falls on us and loves being whirled around etc -- he is just an active toddler and he doesn't have time or patience for cuddles/snuggles. He will yell "I LOVE YOU MOMMY" unprompted and show love in his own way.

So anyway -- guess my point is that I think it's normal for you to be one way and your daughter to be another and 100% it is worth making an effort to meet her needs by giving her unconditional love, but overall -- there is nothing wrong with you and or her either.

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